Tenterhooks
by allibobwa
Summary: It's been a year an half since Edward left Bella. Only a few days into the new semester at college Bella is held by knife point at an protest being held at her school. Who shows up and saves her? non-cannon.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: I will not disclose my feelings about abortion, but they are neither here nor there. This is a work of fiction and no malicious intent towards anyone's personal beliefs on the subject is intended. All copyrights and materials that regards to Twilight or any of the subsequent novels belong to SM. No copyright infringement intended. Look down below for songs list! 3

Perish

Bella sat holding her knees while the acrid smoke of her cigarette got caught in her hair. She rolled her eyes as she looked across the court yard of the community college she had just started attending earlier that fall. Three fundamentalist Christians were picketing there, holding up three by four foot posters with aborted babies on them. She thought it was a little much. Shouldn't they be at an abortion clinic, since when did this shit hole community college become a safe haven for newly graduated teens where they could abort their unborn children? She suspected that they thought that's what the new technology building was for. She watched as what must have been one hundred and fifty students back the abortion protesters to the wet brick wall of the old building. They were chanting 'assholes! assholes!' over and over again, throwing coffee and random bits of debris at them. Maybe it wasn't normal, since everyone seemed apathetic towards the three men, but Bella felt bad for them. So she only watched on peacefully and smoked her cigarette.

She did however, think that there posters were disgusting, all the while not understanding why anyone thought that they could sway the minds of men holding posters with dead fetuses on them. They couldn't, so why fight them. Bella thought to herself that abortion might be one of those topics that people couldn't really change their mind about once they fully knew what the topic meant. It was one of those deep-seeded ideas that grew in the darkest parts of ones moral compass. Either you were for it or you weren't.

Looking down at her cell phone, Bella saw that there were five short minutes until her next class started again. She had been waiting it out, hoping that the crowd would die down, because on the other side of that crowd were the stairs that led to the first level of the school, where her History class was. She squinted towards the riot dubiously. She had had a tough year an half and she wasn't sure if she could slip through unharmed. At barely one hundred and ten pounds, Bella was the thinnest she had ever been. Coupled with her clumsiness, she was aware of the risks involved in trying to get through throngs of over caffeinated eighteen and nineteen year olds who were getting violent. Bella sat up and started walking towards the riot anyway, knowing that she would have to get close to the front to reach the stair case.

Bella bit her lip and walked quickly towards the crowd. Breaching the outside was easy enough, as the people were dispersed in a more even way. It got harder as people became more compact. She had to shove with her shoulders moving students out of her way. They didn't even notice her as she made her way through to the front left corner of the crowd. Bella had been pushed back several times, but she moved forward, breathing out heavily. She was maybe three steps away from breaking free when she felt something grab her long hair heavily and tug viciously pulling her entire weight back.

"Yo, buddy!" She yelled angrily, trying to free herself, but the culprit wouldn't let up, only holding her tightly to himself. She couldn't see him, but all of the sudden she could see the entire crowd, as the man holding her dragged her to the front. She felt a coldness on her neck. The juxtaposition of the warm hand holding it there was alarming. Barely any of the students took notice right away.

"Back up!" He yelled. "Back up, or I'll slice her neck!"

Bella's breath stuck in her throat, the staccato of them not getting past the top of her esophagus. She imagined the breath only freeing itself when it came out of the hole the man would surly make in her neck. Bella looked into the face of an alarmed student in front of her. The boy was in one of her classes, though at this moment she couldn't remember which one. His blue eyes were wide in fear, the eyelashes around them dark and prominent. His lips were open wide in shock, as the drink in he was holding fell from his hand creating a splash that hit his and Bella's shoes. People around him started to back away, the right side of the crowd still had not taken notice, though slowly, like an assembly line they started to move themselves out of the way until there was about five feet between the three men and Bella. All of the sudden the crowd was silent, taking a collective gasp. Bella looked in her peripheral and saw the abortion posters, smashed in half, only one surviving. The other two men seemed just as surprised as the crowd.

"What are you doing Marcus?" The man to Bella's captor's immediate right asked shocked.

"They won't listen. They are so dumb! What's wrong with them?" He held the knife closer to her neck then.

Bella had been ready to die for so long, but in this moment—, she knew that she didn't want to die like this. She could hear cops sirens going off in the distant and fleetingly thought of Charlie. She didn't want him to see her like this. She didn't want him to think she was an idiot and let this happen to herself. It was a vain thought, but Charlie had always said that she was a danger magnet, just like everyone else had.

The breath she was holding in her stomach released itself harshly revealing words, "Let me go." It came out as a rasp, but she was sure he heard them.

"No." He whispered. "You're just like them! You don't care."

He wasn't wrong. She didn't care. She didn't care enough to join the riot, she only wanted to go to her class.

"I wasn't even—." She started, but he interrupted by pushing the knife farther into her skin. She closed her eyes to the crowd, who were as breathless as her a minute before hand, but Bella's breath returned to her steadily. She felt high and could no longer hear what the man was saying to the crowd. All she heard was white noise, a peaceful ocean in her ear. She felt close to fainting, but the feeling in between her ears was almost euphoric. She could hear him then, and her eyelids lifted themselves gently. She saw him then.

"Jas—per." She slurred. She didn't know why her body wasn't letting her feeling the disbelief her head recognized. He didn't look at her. He was standing in front of them, his held tilted to the right, looking into the eyes of Bella's captor.

"Let her go, son." His southern accent was deep—, archaic.

Bella looked at the crowd. They all seemed in disbelief as well. Was it because of how beautiful he was? She though wearily. Was it because he was so assured?

They stepped back a few more feet anyway. Bella looked into Jasper's eyes, they were coals, not to be mistaken for a brown of any kind. He had never looked so inhuman. She looked towards the sky. The sun would be coming out soon. Some of the UV rays escaped the clouds already, and she noticed some of the scars on the right side of Jasper's cheek and neck. Something only fabled about to her before. Bella knew these three men were seeing it too. It must have been odd: Jasper calling this old man 'son'. The man didn't respond and Jasper only stepped closer, showing his teeth, but he didn't seem to need to speak again. He only reached his right hand forward. Bella saw it getting closer to her neck and the knife. Scars seemed to bloom on his hand as well as a light sparkling sheen. He moved his hand there and took the knife away easily. Bella only felt the coldness radiating from Jasper's hand. She fell forward into his arms and he backed her up easily. It was only then Bella noticed that the crowd had dispersed and that there was a legion of cops behind Jasper, guns aimed at the three men. She could see my father in the distance, a fellow cop holding him back. Bella had sea-legs and Jasper carried her like a baby to him.

"Isabella!" He wretched, his arms held open wide. Jasper deposited her into his arms carefully.

"You're insane boy!" Charlie yelled. "Thank you, thank you, thank you." Bella felt her father's love then, all encompassing. She passed out grateful.

A/N: Songs listened to during the making of this chapter: "I Was Broken" by Marcus Foster, "Never Bloom Again" by The Perishers, "Trick of the Moonlight" by Roger Glover, and "How Come You Never Go" There by Feist.


	2. Chapter 2

All copyrights and materials that regards to Twilight or any of the subsequent novels belong to SM. No copyright infringement intended. Look down below for songs list and authors note!

The sun setting over the mountain top in the distance was the bright color of pink. Little orange slivers wiggled outwards towards her. It felt like the sun grab her. She smiled to herself gently and walked towards it. It was the strangest of feelings, she kept walking but was not getting any closer. She took a minute to realize that she was in the southwest. She thought back to her ninth grade science class—_...Nearly all geology texts tell you that continental crust is three to six miles thick under the oceans, about twenty-five miles thick under the continents, and forty to sixty miles thick under big mountain chains..._— Bella felt her bare feet start to burn as the desert started to crack from lack of water beneath her feet,—_The crust beneath the Sierra Nevada Mountains, for instance, is only about nineteen to twenty-five miles thick, and no one knows why. By all the laws of geophysics the Sierra Nevada should be sinking, as if into quicksand,—_Bella felt her ankles buckle under themselves, mud appearing in between her toes as the ground around her disintegrated.

Her breath caught as she leaned forward on the crumbling rock to catch herself, but her fingers only slipped on the wet sediment. The rain fell heavily, but it was still bright, she could feel the sun in the distance, it's warm rays making the skin on her cheeks tighten. It felt so good. It's all she wanted, but she only fell and scraped her knees on the falling rocks below her feet. She let out a yelp, _Help, help, help._ _Watch your step Bella,_ she scolded herself. She fell gracefully anyway, her knees banging on the rocks. Blood pooled around them gently, dripping down between the sand stone carefully.

She heard the strums of a guitar in the color of deep red and and gold. The song was round and deep, like the hole she was falling into. The sun was singing to her, she looked up and she could see it pulsating softly. And with the sun, another sound accompanied it, the dulcet tones of the deep south. Signing, the voice was singing a song from her childhood, and as the sounds became clearer and clearer, so did Bella's vision. The song coupled itself. Two voices. The second was much different.

_And then there she was  
>Like double cherry pie<br>Yeah there she was  
><em>_ Like disco superfly.._..

_And then there she was  
>In platform double suede<br>Yeah there she was  
>Like disco lemonade<em>

It was Jasper. He was smiling between words while strumming his guitar and singing, and it was if the ground underneath Bella's feet stopped moving for that moment, until she saw Edward next to her causing her to gasp loudly.

_I smell sex and candy, here_

_ Who's that lounging in my chair_

_ Who's that casting devious stares in my direction..._

_ Yeah mama, this surly is a dream..._

He sang into her left hear and the ground collapsed letting her fade away quickly.

…...

Bella woke up groggy. A far cry from the euphoria she now realized as Jasper Cullen's influence. She felt a little angry. She wasn't sure why he would be there at all. It had been a year and half since she had heard from any of the Cullens. Especially Edward. Who had left her on the forest floor.

Bella took in her surroundings. She was at a hospital with machines attached to her arms and chest. An I.V. drip was laced into one of her veins in her right arm. She wasn't sure why she was here. Sure she had fainted, but she had not suffered any other significant injury.

A female doctor entered the room quietly as to not wake her up, she suspected.

"Oh! You are awake!" She said, holding a clip board to her chest.

Bella went to confirm only to feel a sharp pain in her neck.

"Don't try to talk, Isabella. You will probably be sore for a few days, we had to do internal stitches."

Again Bella tried to speak. Not to the doctor, but to exclaim her confusion, if only to herself.

"Do you remember what happened to you yesterday?" The doctor asked gently.

Bella nodded, bringing her hand up to her throat and feeling bandages there. She was so confused. She didn't remember the man actually cutting her neck, she had been lucid the whole time, or so she thought. She remembered the feeling of euphoria she had felt. She understood that he was probably taking her pain away. What a martyr. Was that, like, a thing in their family? Being an a-hole?

"I'm going to get your father. He has been here the entire time. I'll be back soon to check on you though. I have to check your wound." She left the room.

Charlie entered the room slowly.

"Bella—." He sighed. "You have no idea how happy I am to see you awake, baby girl."

Bella quickly drew a smiling face on her pad of paper and showed it to her father. She was happy to see him as well. He chuckled lightly. She wrote down: _I didn't realize he had cut me._

"You were in shock." He answered.

_Jasper?_

"The Cullen boy? He jet after talking to some officers. You should have told me he was in town." He exclaimed.

_I didn't know._

"I have a few things to say to that kid." Her father scowled.

_Only you would complain about the guy who saved my life._

"He didn't have to." He snapped quickly. "That's not what I meant." He recovered.

Bella thought to herself that no one really ever said what they meant, people only ever acted irrationally because they constantly felt betrayed. Whether it was by some one else or themselves.

_I get what you mean, Dad. May I have some water?_

"Thanks, kiddo. And unfortunately not." He said, lightly taping Bella's I.V. drip. "I can get you ice chips to suck on though."

_Thanks._

"I'll be right back."

Bella nodded at her father as he left the room. She wanted to ask him about the protester that had attacked her, but she had remembered a moment too late. When she thought of the man, she could only remember the hotness of his hand and the coldness of his knife. She could only remember the blue eyed kid, who was in one of her classes; his eyes wide with abject fear. She wondered if she had already been cut or if the imminent threat scared him into spilling his drink all over her favorite boots. She remembered carefully the sound of the cup hitting the concrete. No reason to cry over spilt milk, stranger, she thought.

Then she thought of Jasper, and his scars. Each in the shape of bite, big bites, little bites, torn bites, clean bites, bites that tore up half the skin, bites that barely left a mark at all. The sun had almost hit him fully while he was saving her. Was this his redemption for what he had done on her birthday? She was bitter towards him, and if he asked her to forgive him because of this, she would say no. Why should she? She was selfish and stupid, just like everyone had always told her, so why stop to grant forgiveness to someone who was so thoroughly fucked anyway? Jasper must have killed hundreds of vampires to get those scars. He should apologize to them, he should throw himself at their graves. What he had done to those vampires was worse than what any human protester could have done to her. Unless he was tortured, then maybe she would forgive the S.O.B. Otherwise, he could eat her ass for all she cared.

Bella turned her body carefully, feeling her untended muscels freeing lactic acid into her lower back. She took the good feeling and turned into her own heady resolve. She didn't know why Jasper Cullen had been there, but she was glad she wasn't dead. It still didn't change anything. It couldn't; she wouldn't let it.

PLEASE READ!

A/N: OMG. Thanks for all the favoriting, alerts, and of course reviews. It definitely keeps me motivated! Love you guys already. J/B fans are very welcoming! (So keep reviewing and all that shiz **wink wink)**

Okay so. Earlier in the chapter Jasper and Edward are singing a song to Bella, that was of course _Sex and Candy_ by Marcy's Playground. That will probably be the only time that there will be any lyrics written into the story. I am disclaiming this because, for me, lyrics written into a story is one of my worst pet peeves ever regarding fanfiction (so hopefully I did it justice!). I felt extraordinarily inspired by the song while it was playing in the background and felt I added to the story line. HOWEVER, if you are interested in the music I listen to while I'm writing this, unless there is some weird reason, I will be posting them in the authors notes. I'd like to think that it is the soundtrack to the story. So go onto youtube and give them a listen! Maybe you will find something you like. Have a great day/night!

Songs:

_Sex and Candy_ by Marcy's Playground

_Just Do It_ by the Chemical Brothers

_Back to Black_ by Amy Winehouse


	3. Chapter 3

After being in the hospital for three more days Bella Swan was more than ready to escape. Her voice had returned, but Jasper hadn't. Although Bella's resolve hadn't changed, there was something nagging her inside. She wanted to know why he had been there. In fact, her curiosity was killing her, something the wound in her neck didn't do. She still couldn't believe she hadn't been aware of the knife actually cutting her. Jasper had gotten there just in time to save her life, and no matter how thankful she was for that, she couldn't let go of her bitterness. She couldn't help but think that if he hadn't tried to attack her on her birthday, Edward would have never left.

Bella sat down on her bed carefully trying not to wrinkle her bedding. Charlie must have turned down her bed while she was in the hospital. Strange. She lay back and on top cover-less until the cold draft from her bedroom window made her shiver several times. Even as she got under the itchy comforter she knew she would let her feet hang out, as she always had. Her toes would freeze but her arms would toast under them. She need a reminder as to why she was using a blanket at all.

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The next morning antibiotics were waiting on the table for Charlie's daughter. He had put them out for her before he left for work. It was strange for him to admit to himself, but he was happy to be taking care of his daughter. While Bella was a mess in general, she was so independent, and he had gotten custody of her when she was seventeen, when she was on the brink of adulthood. He wished he could have been more assertive as a father during her formative years. Maybe she wouldn't be so down, maybe she would have been stronger. These thoughts weren't a negation of all the wonderful things that Bella was. Charlie only wished she hadn't moved here and made a boy her whole world. That he could have had any time with her to teach her about the world before the throws of a broken heart had so thoroughly stolen her from him. Sometimes Charlie felt as if everyone thought he was a useless part of her life, but the honest truth was that he never had a chance. Selfishly, he wished that she loved him more, or put more stock into him. His logic may have been flawed, but he wanted these things none-the-less. It really was as simple and as complicated as washing her sheets and laying out her medicine. He wanted to simply take care of her.

Charlie Swan had to go back to the station today. He had taken off four days to recoup after the incident with Bella and it was time to go back to work, no matter how grudgingly he did. The one thing he could look forward to was getting some type of solidarity about what had happened. While he wasn't allowed to take part in the case, a blow to his ego from his position of Chief of Police, as the father of the victim it was unallowable; however, he would be overlooking the entire case while his fellow deputies investigated and Jasper Cullen was slotted to make an appearance today at Forks Police Station to give his finalized statement. Charlie had chosen to keep this information from his daughter, in the hopes that after all was said and done, the Cullen family would be gone from their lives forever. She had only begun to heal and Charlie knew something like Jasper Cullen's reappearance could deny all the progress she had made. Little did he know, Bella wanted similar things.

As he made his way into the station he saw one of his deputies getting a hot mug of coffee.

"How's it looking?" Charlie asked.

The cop clutched his mug tightly, startled and turned quickly.

"Geez, Chief, give a guy some warning." He laughed. "It's looking fine. There are some glitches from the security cam at the college, but I wouldn't worry. I mean, there were over two-hundred witnesses."

"Glitches?" Charlie asked, curiously.

"Yeah, you wouldn't believe it!" He laughed, walking towards a computer on the other side of the room. The computer held up a freeze frame of Jasper Cullen as he held his hand out to take the knife from Bella's captor. The curious thing about it was, his hand was—sparkling. And for the peets sake it looked like it was made of mesh, cris-crossing lines spattered on his lower arm and hand, like someone had tied fishing line around his hands. Charlie rolled his eyes.

"This Marcus guys defense attorney better not try some fast shit on this. Do you think they will make it inadmissible because of it? Obviously Cullen's arm isn't fucking sparkling. What else 'isn't really going on?'" Charlie guffawed.

"I really doubt it, but like I said, two-hundred witnesses, Chief." He smiled. "How's Bella doing?"

"Very well, she's talking. She'll be resting for another day, but she's resilient." Charlie said proudly.

"Good to hear."

Just as Charlie's employee had finished speaking he heard the front door's bell tinkle softly in the distance. Jasper Cullen had arrived. Charlie looked at him curiously. There was something so off about the Cullens. The way they walked was wrong, the way they looked in general was so...eerie.

"Speak of the devil."

Jasper saw Charlie and slightly tipped his head in what Charlie instantly perceived as respect. Charlie huffed, at war with his emotions. Jasper walked towards him.

"Chief Swan." He said.

"Jasper Cullen." He responded, his lips pursed in scowl.

"It's Whitlock now." Charlie noticed his accent then.

"Whitlock? Cullen's change their stripes like a drunk denies his lies." Charlie whispered offhandedly.

"I've not always been with the Cullen's, sir." Jasper rebutted.

"Why don't we have a seat, my deputy is going to take your official statement, and if you don't mind, I'm gonna' sit in."

"Not at all, sir." Jasper spoke slowly.

They all walked over to the deputies messy desk and arranged their chairs so that Jasper would be the focus of the officer and his chief.

"The statement you gave my partner the other day says that you were at the community college as a coincidence?"

"Correct. I was there to meet up with an old friend." He replied staunchly.

"So you weren't there for the abortion rally?" The officer asked, raising his eyebrow suspiciously.

"No, a friend of mine teaches one of the history classes there. I was on my way up to Alaska from L.A. and he offered me a place to stay for a day or two to rest. We had had lunch thirty minutes prior to the indecent with Isabella."

"And what's your friends name?"

"Peter—."

Charlie's thoughts interrupted the rest of Jasper's statement. He thought back to when the Cullen's had left town originally. He had been so furious at their sudden departure he had done a background check on Dr. and Mrs. Cullen. He had never been truly suspicious of them when they had first moved here, not like his best friend Billy Black, but Charlie Swan's anger motivated him to do many irrational things that first week after they had found Bella in the forest, close to death.

"That should be all Mr. Whitlock." The officer said, not looking up while writing the last of the information Jasper had given him into his notes. Charlie took note to look at Jasper Whitlock carefully then. He was on the edge of being in complete disbelief that Jasper had just been there, but he thought again, and felt completely confident in Jasper's story. It was a coincident, a happy one at that. Bella was alive.

"Let me see you out, son." Charlie said patting Jasper's back. He pulled his hand back quickly, cracking his knuckles, the kid definitely worked out. As they walked towards the door, Charlie questioned him a little further.

"So how's the rest of the family?"

"They are well, I suppose." Jasper replied.

"Still in LA, I'm assuming?"

"Carlisle and Esme are, as are Rosalie and Emmett. Alice is in New York for the time being—, fashion school."

"And—, Edward?" Charlie asked, licking his top teeth under his lip. He had been hesitant about asking, but felt he needed to know for his own peace of mind.

"Edward is in Oxford attending school." He said between pursed lips. He seemed in disapproval of his adopted brother. It almost made Charlie like Jasper. He could tell Jasper was a serious character.

"I should warn you, Jasper. You will probably called to be testified in Marcus Miller's trial. We really don't know when it will actually take place, but his arraignment is on Monday. I know you said you were on your way to Alaska, but you might want to stick around. But I have to ask you, as Bella's father, please stay away if you intend to stay in Forks—. Everything that's happened, it's too much for anyone. But for Bella's sake, don't add to it, son."

Charlie felt affirmed after he finished his little speech.

"You don't have to worry, Mr. Swan. I'll be here for the trial if you call on me, but I'll stay at a distance."

The bid their goodbyes, Charlie feeling a little less vulnerable. Jasper Whitlock hadn't lied when he said he would keep his distance, he had in fact been in the practice of keeping a safe distance for almost a year and half now.

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A/N: Hello Bellsper fans! Thank you so much for your reviews, story alerts, and favorites! It really means a lot and keeps me inspired! So this chapter had a lot to do with Charlie, and I promise, Bella and Jasper will meet again! In the meantime though, I would like to sketch out this story slowly, and if you have patience you will stay along for the ride! Please review on your way out!

Song list- _I don't know what happened to the kids- _By Labi Saffre (this is such a great song, that I feel can be related to either Charlie or Jasper, so give it a listen!), _Run from the Gun_- By Dead Confederates, _Panic in Detroit-_ By David Bowie, and _Gun for a Tongue-_ By Butterfly Boucher


	4. Chapter 4

All copyrights and materials that regards to Twilight or any of the subsequent novels belong to SM. No copyright infringement intended. Look down below for songs list and authors note!

Jasper stood over the dead carcass of a two ton bear for ten minutes thinking silently to himself. He found that the strangeness of him only being able to get his thoughts together while standing over dead bodies, human or otherwise, intoxicating. Very little these days, did he let himself submerge himself in the evilness that he had locked down in his soul. Vampires were different than humans, especially in the ways they marked the differences between good and bad.

The Cullens were good vampires, but would they be good humans? He thought to himself. Jasper sniffled his nose as if he had mucus to get rid off, uselessly. Of course he didn't need to use these human faults when he was alone, especially standing over his dinner the way he was, but he was feeling down today. He had seen Charlie Swan today, a forty-two year old sac of human flesh that had one of the most sincere and stubborn mustaches he had ever seen. Jasper thought to himself that if he were human, he too might have a mustache like that. Though, they were the kind that were only reserved for fathers...and police officers he supposed.

The truth was, that he had never intended to intervene in Bella Swan's life, but he had felt her, and it was the first time since Edward had abandoned her that he did. He felt her and then saw her, being held behind the cold shine of a knife. The man that held her was more scared then she was, as was usually the case with men like Marcus Miller. He had been confused. Jasper had thought between the days of the incident and today whether or not he should just kill him for his crimes, but he had decided not to, least of all because of the upcoming trial. He clenched his fist when he thought about the mess he had gotten himself into.

He would definitely have to take council with Peter, to see if he had any insight on the matter, especially whether the Volturi would try to insert themselves in this mess. They really needn't, Jasper shrugged to himself. He remembered seeing the snap shot of himself in the police station, his arm sparkling. He would have to take care of that somehow, but Jasper rarely worried about exposure, he usually would just kill who ever made him feel threatened, something that did not happen often.

Jasper made his way back to Peter and Charlotte's house quickly, thinking about the past year and half. He had been staying with them for a while now. He remembered the day that Peter found him in the woods.

_ "They will never understand you like I understand you brother." Peter said, placing his hand on Jasper's shoulder. Jasper fired back quickly, crouching feet apart from him._

_ "You knew this would happen?" He accused._

_ "There was nothing I could do about it, Major!" He bit back._

_ "Fuck you, Peter!" His eyes went to black faster then the shutter of a camera snapping._

_ "Find me, brother, find me when you need our help." _

When Jasper had returned to the Cullen's he found Edward there, being just how Edward always was. Always placing the blame somewhere else, never on himself.

_"Why does it always come down to this, Jasper!" He screamed. _

_ "Why can't you just control yourself?" He asked incredulous._

_ "Me!" He yelled back nonplussed, circling Edward._

_ "Yes you, you ruin this family, and now you are ruining me! How am I supposed to keep Bella safe when you are always chomping at the bit!"_

_ "Go fuck yourself you self righteous piece of shit. Maybe you shouldn't be dating a fucking human! Maybe you should change her? How's that for an idea? Or is the idea that she will be less then food for you hoard in your room not very appealing...? Maybe you should realize I had to deal with the blood lust of seven vampires including you Edward, who I think is more than willing to take a chop at the bit!" He spat back, ferocious. _

_ Edward was about to respond, but Jasper cut him, appearing in front of him. He grabbed him round the neck and shoved him to the wall, creating cracks in the drywall around Edwards frame._

_ "You are nothing more than a petulant child, Edward Masen." He whispered, dangerously, "The way you treat Bella Swan is not only a dishonor to her, but to yourself and the people you call family. Had I been a heroin addict and a human, you holding a bag of dope in front of my face would make you the worst kind of person. But because you are **you**, and you see yourself as a hero, you pass Bella Swan around this house like she is a fucking token of your success at not giving in. She is not a token of your success, Edward! She is the manifestation of your failure! You forget so easily," Jasper continued, pulling Edward back and then pushing his body further into the wall, "I feel your emotions. I know what Bella Swan is to you. So stop pretending that you don't think the world of yourself." _

_ With that, Jasper let him go, Edward crumpling to the floor in shame. Jasper took a second to look around the room at his family. From horrified expressions, to the smug smirk on Rosalie's face. No one had ever given her enough credit, her distaste of Edward and Bella's relationship, or rather just Bella Swan in general, always being cracked up to be jealousy. And while there might have been an iota of truth to that, she saw things for what they were, and she saw Edward for what he was. A coward... _

Jasper stood at Peter and Charlotte's back door. Shortly after he had left the Cullens, he had decided to find Peter and stay with them for a while. They were staying in the suburbs of Seattle. Running there from Forks was such a short trip, it was sometimes hard to remember the city and town were actually hours apart. Peter had decided to work at the Forks Community College. Jasper supposed he was bored with life as of late, and while Jasper didn't agree with Peter working in Forks, or humans for that matter, he would never try to control his brother. Jasper needed a break from the suffocation of the Cullens. Their mentality, their fantasy. While Jasper had given up humans, he had not given up on being a vampire, it was what he was. When the Cullen's moved away he decided to stay behind, and at the time it had little to do with one Isabella Swan. Things were complicated though, as they usually were.

A/N: Hello Bellsper fans! So, I will be making a _conscientious_ effort to make the chapters much longer, but in the meantime I give you this! A little bit of Jasper! Again, Bella and Jasper will reunite soon! Please review! Thanks guys!

Songs list: _Fresh Blood_ by The Eels, _Model Son _by The Heavenly States, _Mr. Big Personality_ by Hogni, _House of Balloons_ By The Weeknd (spelled that way), and _I Will Remain_ by Matthew and The Atlas.

These are all amazing songs, so listen to them! (and review the story)


	5. Chapter 5

All copyrights and materials that regards to Twilight or any of the subsequent novels belong to SM. No copyright infringement intended. Look down below for songs list and authors note!

To:

From:

Due to an overabundance of late applications at Forks County Community College this semester, two of the following classes on your schedule have been changed effective immediately this coming Monday. These classes are at the same time and under the same subject as the classes that have already been paid for in full.

_Ethics, Laws, and Values (PHI)- C. Tournell (Server Building, RM. 1278) 9:30 AM_

_ Sectionalism: Civil War 1861-1865 (HIS) P. Kennicott (Higgens Building, RM. 2396) 11:15 AM_

For any inquiries, please make an appointment at the Student Guidance Department as soon as possible.

Have a great day!

Guidance at FCCC

Bella scratched her head uncomfortably as she read the e-mail that she had received days earlier. She was lucky to have checked it on this morning, as it was her first day back. She noted how cold her fingers were as they passed over her itchy scalp. Her classes had been changed. Huh, she thought stupidly, to cold to care at that exact moment. Although if she let her self think about it, she hadn't like her history teacher anyway, she was more confused then Bella was half of the time.

The days since Jasper Cullen had saved her life passed quicker then she had imagined they would. In the weeks after Edward had left her, she had let her self imagine what would happen if she had seen any of the Cullens again. It was before she had become so embittered, since she had become a slave to negative thoughts about them, about Jasper. She thought she would be frantic, white-knuckled in desperation to even get a peek at their lovely faces. It had been the opposite; it had been glorious, but only after the influence of Jasper himself, dosing her with euphoria. Later, after she'd woken up in the hospital she felt the bitterness she had so carefully utilized to get her through the first year of abandonment slip back into place, perfectly. It wasn't anything like she thought it would be. And so the days went by quickly without the anticipation of seeing Jasper Cullen again. She was glad to be rid of his image, it only served to haunt her.

Bella looked down at her cell phone, reading the time: 9:30.

She really had to high-tail it if she wanted to make it to her philosophy class in time. Especially if she had a new teacher.

"...Now—, whatever is moved is moved by another, for nothing can be moved except it is in potentiality to that towards which it is moved; whereas a thing moves inasmuch as it is in act. For motion is nothing else than the reduction of something from potentiality to actuality—." Mr. Tournell quoted softly.

"What do you think Aquinas is talking about in this article?" He asked the class, laughing lightly.

A kid wearing a plaid shirt and tight skinny jeans spoke up loudly, "Some science bullshit, right? Like—, whatever. Newton's law, ya know?" Was he trying to be ironic with his indifference? Bella thought to herself angrily.

Mr. Tournell nodded sympathetically. "Yeah." He conceded. "Kind of—. I think Aquinas is taking it a step further, not only does this apply to the scientific search for a God, but also the metaphysical search. He's saying, that for existence could not have merely popped into being, but that nothing cannot exist and then exist. It's a contradiction. He uses this contradiction to validate his belief in God. Aquinas continues with: _...nothing can be reduced from potentiality to actuality, except by something in a state of actuality._ Is he speaking about God here?"

"_For what is actually hot cannot be simultaneously potentially hot; but it is simultaneously potentially cold._" Bella whispered noncommittally.

She had been louder than even she thought. The whole of the class was staring at her, including her new teacher.

"Yes. That's correct. Ms. Swan, did you read this text already?"

She looked surprised, "Uh...yes, we covered this a few weeks ago in my other class."

"Do you have any thoughts on the existence of God? The big bang?"

He was seriously asking a girl who had just been stabbed in the neck at an abortion rally whether she believed in God? She thought to her self, incredulous. She really hoped God didn't exist, if she was honest with herself. Edward would have been horrified. But maybe...maybe he'd be relieved after all.

"...I'm a skeptic."

Fake brown eyes, pale skin. She felt her heart beat a bit faster as she took in the appearance of her new history teacher. He looked at her immediately as she walked in and she closed her eyes in disbelief. She wondered quickly how many vampires she had met before she even knew the Cullens. Carlisle had made it seem like they were one group out of two, possibly three that integrated themselves into society. It seemed stupid to Bella now. Of course more were around; teaching, doctoring, accounting, etc. When Bella first found out what the Cullens were, she had not been skeptical at all. She thought they were amazing, that they were _strong_ for withstanding the lure of human blood, and making themselves revered in small towns. Maybe they weren't so special after all.

Bella thought of her fourth grade teacher. Everyone had hated her, but not because she was mean, because she was scary. Scary beautiful... But that was back in Phoenix. So the chances were slim. Unless there was some kind of vampire sunblock sitting around somewhere. She remembered telling Renee how beautiful she thought her teacher was, how she couldn't approach her when she felt she needed help in her math. Even though Bella was nine years old, Renee told her that her feelings were natural, and if she didn't start to have them for boys to keep her updated. Bella laughed about it now; she had thought her daughter was a lesbian. Maybe she was, maybe a little. Edward would definitely be horrified by that, Bella chuckled.

Bella turned her attention back to her new history teacher, whose name was written across the board: Peter Kennicott.

"All of you are new students for me, being transferred from other classes due to the guidance department being run by complete retards. My name is Peter, not Professor..." His voice was deep and southern, the twang so sexy even Bella could barely stand it. "There is always _at least one _student who ignores this and insists on calling me Professor Kennicott. Don't do it. I'll fail you." He said seriously, before a smirk bloomed on his perfect face. The girls in the class giggled softly. Bella rolled her eyes.

"Today! We are going to be talking about Sectionalism! Exciting stuff, really. Before we start we will go over the syllabus, and the plagiarism and cheating guidelines. I need to give you fair warning: we are all adults here, we know when we are cheating, and I've gotta' say, even if the History Board of Studies doesn't recognize me as it, I'm proud enough of myself to say that I really am probably one of the most enlightened person teaching sectionalism during the American Civil War. Sure—, I work a low-key community college in Forks, No Where, USA...It's only because my wife likes hiking and I don't prefer cities..."

Bella checked out after this point, she didn't want to listen to this arrogant vampire talk about himself anymore. She was positive that he had probably been a soldier in the Civil War or something similar... Bella lay her head on her desk and fell asleep. She really didn't care.

It had only felt like a few seconds since she had fallen asleep when she felt a heavy tapping on the back of her desk. She shot up quickly and took in her surroundings. The class was empty and there was a khaki clad crotch in front of her face. She looked up to see her vampire teacher standing there with a smirk on his face.

"I know what you are." She said snobbishly.

"Do you feel the need to say that to every vampire you meet?" Peter asked devilishly.

Bella didn't respond, but only looked in a different direction. Something occurred to her though.

"Do you know Jasper?" She asked quickly.

He cleared his throat unnecessarily, looking at her with stern eyes. He wouldn't answer her, only staring at her. She got up carefully, grabbing her book bag.

"Just don't fuck with me, _Professor._" She warned through gritted teeth.

"You're so arrogant, Bella Swan. What makes you think you're so special?" He asked, laughing slightly.

"You obviously know who I am." She said, not knowing how else to respond.

"I'm not sure a vampire with in a five hundred mile radius doesn't. Edward Cullen's pet." He bit back. "Isabella 'Danger-Magnet' Swan. Everyone knows you, darlin'."

Bella scrunched her nose unattractively, as she tossed her long hair over her shoulder. The pain in her heart skyrocketed up her throat, the back of her skull felt like someone was holding a heater up to it. She was on fire, embarrassed, shamed. She bit the inside of her cheek hard, drawing blood. It wasn't intentional, but when she looked into Peter's eyes, they were no longer brown, the contacts dissolved quickly revealing red eyes, that quickly morphed into onyx. Bella smiled internally.

"Can you not kill me because you're my teacher, or because Jasper has asked you not to?"

Peter smirked.

"Fall asleep in my class again and you won't wanna' know how much I don't care what Jasper Whitlock wants. Even if he is my brother. Even if he does want you—. Get out."

Bella cut her losses and left the class quickly even more confused then she had been when she first came in to the classroom over an hour ago.

A/N: Sorry it's been so long! My deepest regrets and most heartfelt apologies. Love you guys! Please leave a review on your way out!

Songs: Sail by AWOLNATION and Rocket Scientist by Teddybears Feat. Eve.


	6. Chapter 6

All copyrights and materials that regards to Twilight or any of the subsequent novels belong to SM. No copyright infringement intended. Look down below for songs list and authors note!

…_..._

_Camus is interested in Sisyphus' thoughts when marching down the mountain, to start anew. This is the truly tragic moment, when the hero becomes conscious of his wretched condition. He does not have hope, but "[t]here is no fate that cannot be surmounted by scorn." Acknowledging the truth will conquer it; Sisyphus, just like the absurd man, keeps pushing. Camus claims that when Sisyphus acknowledges the futility of his task and the certainty of his fate, he is freed to realize the absurdity of his situation and to reach a state of contented acceptance. With a nod to the similarly cursed Greek hero Oedipus, Camus concludes that "all is well," indeed, that "One must imagine Sisyphus happy." _

It was pointless, she could not concentrate at all after talking to her vampire history teacher. She hated that he knew more of her than she knew of him. All this information was unloading into her brain. Bella hadn't been herself for a very long time. She had lost her identity when Edward left her and her conversation with Peter had made her realize how pathetic it truly was. _What makes you think you're so special? _He had asked. He did. Edward made her special, right? Really, she had lost her identity the moment she first started to obsess over Edward Cullen, even before he had decided that he wanted to pursue her. _Edward, Edward, Edward_. It was a constant mantra in her brain, even when she wasn't conscious of it. She wanted to scream in frustration. Seeing Peter Kennicott today, it didn't reassure her of Edward's presence, it solidified his absence. She needed to be free of him. He didn't liberate her, he blinded her. The very thought of him—, it was ceaseless and tormenting. The irony made her body hurt when she thought of his influence...He was a mystery before, during, and after. She had to accept that this wasn't her fault. No matter how much she thought she knew of him, or his life, she didn't know anything at all. _A bird and a fish may fall in love, but where would they build a home? _How do they even communicate?

The radiator she had felt at the back of her skull when Peter had shamed her earlier was still on high. She was so embarrassed. It made her cheeks tighten, her lips pull back, and tears pool over her lower eye lids, messing up her black lashes. She thought of when she was twelve years old and told everyone that she had gotten her period because the girl she envied already had. The embarrassment she felt when people found out that it wasn't true spanned across many years, still able to creep up the back of her spine when her mind would fish out the information in quick recollections. When had she become so stupid? So bitter? Would she feel this embarrassment for the rest of her life?

She felt pathetic, but she also felt relief. The highest relief, and she was euphoric in her epiphany. She felt free.

…...

For the first time in a long time the sun was shining in Forks. The late afternoon sun was beaming down on Bella Swan making pinkness blossom on her cheeks. The warmth felt wonderful as she packed her groceries into the cab of her truck. She was sad to get into the car, but planned on letting both windows down so that breeze could blow through her hair.

She backed out carefully from her parking spot, but it was useless; she heard the loud crunch and grinding of metal acutely.

"Shit!" She whispered to herself.

She shut down the engine quickly and trotted out of the car with speed. Low and behold was her Philosophy teacher. He was getting out of his car, running his hand through his curly black hair while assessing the damage.

"I'm so sorry." Bella spoke quickly. "I really didn't see you." She confessed. He hadn't looked up yet, but she could tell he seemed upset. His headlight was definitely crushed to pieces, while Bella's truck looked untouched. When he did look up, he recognized Bella right away.

"Miss. Swan."

"Professor." She laughed nervously. "Here, I'll go get my insurance, I'm sure it will cover everything." She bullshitted, running away towards the cab, scared to be confronted by a man that was grading her in a class she barely understood.

When she returned she looked at Professor Tournell carefully, trying to figure out if he was going to be excessively difficult about this. He looked calm enough.

"A—again, I'm so sorry about this." She handed over her papers carefully.

"It's really okay, Miss. Swan." He said giving her a half smile and taking the papers from her hand gently. Bella breathed a sigh of relief.

"I'm sure this is the last thing you need these days..." He said offhandedly as he walked towards his passenger side door to retrieve his own insurance papers.

"Excuse me?" She spoke up.

He looked up startled, maybe he hadn't meant to say it out loud. But, instead of apologizing, he spoke freely.

"I mean, everyone has heard what you have been through over the last month." He said as he walked back towards her. "I really didn't mean to be offensive." He shrugged.

"No...no, I mean, I guess you're right."

He handed her his own papers and backed away to a polite distance. She tucked them under her arms carefully and an awkward silence ensued.

"If...if you don't mind me asking—?" He started off slowly. "How did everything turn out? You know, with...everything?" He laughed awkwardly.

"Oh, um..." She flipped her hair nervously, unintentionally showing the fresh scar on her neck. His eyes widened marginally. "The guy took a deal, for assault with a deadly weapon and some other things I'm sure. Six years." She whispered, snapping and clapping her hands together uncomfortably. He nodded gingerly. "He really does seem remorseful." She added.

"You'd think they would keep the teachers updated...You know! Because it happened on school property." He was twisting his wedding ring nervously.

"Yeah. Um, no it's just, the guy didn't want to go to trial. Neither did I. I think all parties involved are happy about it? I don't know."

He stared at her for a short moment before stepping towards her.

"It's very unprofessional of me to ask...But I have to say, what you said in class peaked my interest. Were you scared? Being a skeptic?" There was more to the question then Bella thought he would admit. It had nothing to do with her; he was asking about the fear of death. Not so strange for a philosopher.

"I didn't feel a thing. You know, when he cut me. Before though, I mean, I was a little scared, I knew I didn't want to die." She having a very deep conversation with her Professor, she thought quickly, nonplussed. "I never knew that before."

He nodded pursing his thick lips and his black hair bouncing slightly... His brown eyes were shining slightly, warm, registering her answer. He seemed to shake himself out of his thoughts, and put his hand out to shake Bella's.

"My people will get a hold of your people and all that." He laughed.

She took his warm hand, smiling. His grip was soft but firm. As he took his hand away, Bella felt his wedding ring slip around gently. It was loose on his ring finger.

…...

Jasper sat outside Bella's house that night taking in the cadence of her heartbeat while she slept. He felt like it had been days since he had heard it.

…...

A/N: More to come soon! Mysteries will be resolved, Jasper and Bella will meet again soon, etc. Please leave me some comment love, it truly inspires me. Tell me how you feel about the story, what you're thinking, and also if you are enjoying any of the music I've been posting. I really listen to it while I'm writing and I wonder if it matches up at all. Anyway, more to come soon!

Songs: Magic Arrow by Timber Timbre, A Heavy Abacus by The Joy Formidable, I Go Away by MNDR, Sore Spores by BOBBY.


	7. Chapter 7

All copyrights and materials that regards to Twilight or any of the subsequent novels belong to SM. No copyright infringement intended. Look down below for songs list and authors note!

…_..._

Jasper was still sitting under the overhang of the Swan's woods at the far end of their backyard. He had talked to Alice a week prior, she was begging him to come home. She had unloaded visions over the phone at such a rapid speed the distortion from the mobile could not keep up, Jasper had to tell her to speak closer to a human rate.

_"Jasper, Victoria will be in the area soon, within a weeks time. This is the seventh time she's been close, why won't you just kill her?" She asked exasperated. _

_ "Her gift is stronger than I thought. You know she can evade me."_

_ "It's been a year and a half. Jasper, a year and a half! I want you to come home." She moaned. Had she been a human her voice would have cracked with emotion, she would be crying and begging, snot running down her pixie nose. _

_ "Do you want Bella to die?" He retorted. _

_ "You know I don't want that...But, but maybe Emmett and I can come down, you know, help you catch her. I think maybe my visions would be stronger if—."_

_ Jasper cut her off there, "If anyone more than me were here, Victoria would be even more suspicious, I need to catch her off guard. I already have Peter and Char helping. And only because she doesn't recognize their scents. Alice this must be done this way." He lied. "I just need a little more time, and hopefully I will get her this week, when you say she will be here...What will the weather be when you see her in your vision?" _

_ There was a pause over the phone. Whether it was defeat or her looking back at her vision, __he wasn't sure. _

_ She laughed carefully. "You know...It's sunny that day, but it will be in the middle of the night when she comes. I can see her traveling from Oregon. I wouldn't know if she hadn't crossed the highway. She caused a small collision. Disco ball on the highway. She laughed and moved on. I can't tell you the exact time. But you will see her there. She will—." _

_ "Thank you, Alice."_

_ "Please be safe, Jasper. I don't know—. I don't know how this will turn out. I can't take this anymore." She hung up. She hung up without saying 'I love you'. Jasper nodded to himself uselessly. _

Here he sat, it was one o'clock in the morning, but the day had been bright. Bella's heart was still beating steadily, and it was beautiful.

_Verde que te quiero verde. _

_ Verde viento. Verdes ramas. _

When ever he heard the slowness of sleep in Isabella's heart, Lorca's words melted into the very tissue of Jasper's petrified heart, warming it gently, a slow burn. It still caused him great confusion. The burn, it wasn't like _the burn_, but it was the burn of anticipation, of want. His heart did not sync to his brain evenly, and it made him feel slow. Slow-thinking, slow-talking, slow to react. It was heart breaking, heart melting, and it was painful. It was a great stutter, when he had never stuttered before. But! It was the kind of pain that one couldn't leave. The pain turned into pleasure, and Jasper, like a fool, sat anticipating...of what? He didn't know. Yet, Bella Swan's sleeping heart held answers that were consistent with Lorca's; _Green, how I want you green. Green wind, green branches... Green flesh, green hair...Under the gypsy moon, all things are watching her, and she cannot see them. _It had always been his favorite poem, but only because the words were pretty. And now, they held meaning. When he would recite it Spanish, he felt foreign, but not like an alien from another country, foreign from himself, he felt creative—, like he were the poet that put it to words. It felt even more glorious to recite it now. _Verde que te quiero verde. _

"Humph."

Jasper's eyes snapped open. How could he have forgotten himself. He looked to his right and found Victoria sitting next to him. He might have immediately crouched in defense, but her feelings were not that of a killer, they were anguished.

"Why do you protect her?" She asked, indignant.

Jasper's left hand right hand went into the soil, it upended some roots, looking like angel hair pasta in the midst of mud and dirt. The moon shined on it.

"That's complicated." He answered, calmly...truthfully.

"On the orders of others?" She whispered, angrily.

"I follow no one's orders." He said spitefully, turning his head and muddy hands towards her, showing him his scars. "You don't want to kill her anymore. I can feel you're heart."

"I have no heart. After James... Our hearts are in our counterparts. You must know this."

"I do." He said gently.

"_Must, like a whore, unpack my heart with words..."_ She quoted quietly.

"Hamlet? I didn't think you would be—."

"Educated?" She finished for him. There was still spite in her voice. "I cannot do what I must do. I'm a coward." She whispered. "Hamlet and I, we are in similar situations...by proxy I suppose. I should really be after, who? I wasn't there when James was killed. I only know the reason. Her." She finished, looking up at Bella's window.

"I've learned that it's never cowardly not to kill. Seeking revenge is only a slight reprieve in the pain. Forgiveness is brave and lasting. I forgive myself everyday." He whispered, looking at his hands.

Victoria snorted and smiled viciously.

"I don't want to kill her. You're not wrong—. Kill me. If you can forgive yourself for all the others, you can forgive yourself for killing me...Really, it's the only way you will know. Know that in fifty years vengeance won't find me again."

He thought carefully that she was really being logical.

"Why? Beyond her," he said looking up at Bella's room, "What reason do you have to die?"

"Being separated from James. Knowing he's gone and that I have an eternity to live with this pain, I can't do it!" She hissed. "You're family, let them think you were heroic. Tell them I didn't give in, that you beat me in strength and mind." She grabbed his wrist bringing it to her mouth, "Tell them this bite was from me! That my fight was vicious! Let me die up to their expectations."

He tore his hand and wrist away from her. "My family is not bloodthirsty."

"No, not like you?" She asked, appraising his scars once again.

"...No. Not like me." He responded, self-loathing.

…...

"Alice. She's gone. But I can't come back. Not yet."

"I know." She cried.

…...

A/N: Review love please.

Songs: Settle For a Slow Down by Dierks Bentley and Spanish Sahara by Foals


	8. Chapter 8

All copyrights and materials that regards to Twilight or any of the subsequent novels belong to SM. No copyright infringement intended.

Listen to Orange Sky by Alexi Murdoch and Breathe by Alexi Murdoch...puh-lease. =]

…...

The warmth of the yellow sun shined down on her hair making it warm against the back of Bella's neck. Everything was yellow and orange. She remembered, once she had visited Renee's cousin in Kansas and their had been tornado, afterward the air was yellow and pink from all the iron in the air. Someone had put a gold filament over her eyes, like contacts. It was so beautiful. It had made her fingers tingle blissfully.

She was in a wheat field, laying carelessly, a skirt scattered around her legs. She looked downwards towards her feet, which were covered by Mary Janes and white frilled socks. She turned her head to her left into the gold of the wheat, her mahogany curls splayed out. But as she looked through the negative space of the wheat thatches, she noticed two people. It was Alice and Jasper splayed out in the field. Alice had her legs tucked carefully underneath her and Jasper sat kneeling, both dressed as if it were the fifties. The yellow and orange of the air seemed to permeate especially around them. Alice's hair was in a bob, and she had a beautiful white head band pulling her jet black hair away from her thin face.

A smile curved joyfully into her face as Jasper handed her a bouquet of golden rods, picked fresh from a small patch just a few feet away from his kneeling knees. He had a devilish smile. Alice giggled, and it tinkered all the way to Bella's craving ears. Their eyes sparkled, blue coupled with gray, as they looked into one and other. A deep chuckle escaped Jasper's throat and lips faster then sweet rush of his breath, and Bella's heart leapt frantically at just one look at their undeniable love.

She closed her eyes, not because she didn't want to look at them, but because feeling the warmth of the sun was just as inviting as the sight of her friends in front of her. Bella didn't remember being a voyeur, but the feelings she felt in their love, it was like—, it was as if she were experiencing throws of passion in the deepest part of her soul. She could feel it everywhere, and the feeling of sun on her eyelids gave her a short reprieve from the intensity her friends provided.

Bella breathed then, and she could feel her lungs expanding, generously accepting the yellow and orange air. Nitrogen, oxygen, minute amounts of other gasses_; "We sometimes find when we get up in the morning, by a rise of an inch in the barometer, that nearly half a ton [of air] has quietly piled upon us during the night, but we experience no inconvenience, rather a feeling of exhilaration and buoyancy, since it requires a little less exertion to move our bodies in the denser medium..._

_ —_Bella snapped up faster than the lever from the trap as a rush of air penetrated her lungs quickly forming a gasp. She shook her head speedily back and forth trying to recognize consciousness. She stood quick and ran haphazardly around her room in a fast paced motion until the moment of discombobulation passed.

"Gahh." She expressed. "Huohhh. Okay... Bella's up." She whispered to herself letting herself get ready for the rest of the day. Her dreams lazily escaped her as she went through her morning routine.

…...

"Miss. Swan." Professor Tournell smiled.

"Professor." She acknowledged, returning his smile.

…...

"Bella Swan, please stay behind I would like to talk to you about your paper." Peter Kennicott exclaimed while keeping his attention wholly on the papers in front of him while other students retreated from his classroom. Bella rolled her eyes. Really, Peter, the vampire history teacher, made her extremely nervous. She made her way to him while untangling her long hair from the strap of her book bag. She put her hand on her hip when she reached his proximity. A very un-Bella like gesture.

"Professor?"

He only ran his tongue over his teeth beneath his pursed lips.

"Bella." He smiled, laughing. He had said her name funny. It held recognition and mirth. "Hey girl..." He chuckled.

Bella only stayed silent in a state of confusion.

"Right...So I feel like we got off to a bad start," He showed his perfect teeth then. He was only smiling, and she didn't think it was meant to be intimidating; was he trying to be relatable? To a human? She giggled internally against her better judgment. Half of the a giggle escaped, presenting itself as an awkward chuckle-slash-throat clearing.

"Perhaps?" She responded.

"Yes so, I would like to invite you out for a bite to eat." He said seriously. He laughed suddenly at the surprised look on Bella's face.

"I joke. But, seriously, my wife would like to meet you."

"Ah-humm... I—why?"

"Come on Miss. Swan. You're a hot commodity! You've been bitten and not killed, you dated a vampire that you sang to. One might conject that you don't even need to be an immortal to receive its benefits. You've lived through most situations a vampire would die in. It's a compliment. Usually, the only humans my wife has correspondence with are pushing up daisies by the end of their meeting. You'll live to see another day." He smiled.

"I'm not sure."

"I'm afraid I must insist. You see—, I know if I were to ask you the questions myself, you're answers would be predictable: _I won't tell a soul about you being a vamp! I swear it. Like you said, I dated a vampire!_ And I'd believe you. Unfortunately, my wife is a _skeptic._" He laughed. "So?"

"I guess so?" Bella was confused. Not at what he was saying, but what she should do. Surly he wouldn't kill her if she said no. But the feeling in her gut: the warm sensation of acceptance, the temptation to rejoin something she lost. In her mind, she was one hundred percent positive that Peter knew Jasper in some capacity. Although Jasper was not her old flame, it was like seeing an old boyfriend again. You told your girlfriends you would never be so crazy as to follow through, but secretly you meet up with him and repeat all the mistakes that you had made before. A vicious circle.

"Sure." She finally agreed.

A smile spread across Peter's face. "Awesome. I'll give you directions—. By the way, you received an A on your paper."

…...

Bella knocked on the cherry red door in a quick succession. She took a moment to take in her surroundings, and she was thankful that Peter and his wife were giving the illusion that she had time to, instead of opening the door quickly enough to make her think they had been standing on the other side of the wood structure the whole time. There were orange and pink flowers all over their front porch and a Confederate flag waving proudly through the breeze. Bella internally patted herself on the back for her earlier observation that Peter had probably taken part in the war. Even if she were wrong, he had certainly picked a side. The wood that was built into the fencing of the porch was worn and worked upon. An old rickety porch swing was painted white, and the paint was chipping away with age—. The door opened suddenly.

Peter and his wife were standing, her in his arms, a half hug, while his other hand held open the door. She was wearing a short dress that was fifties-esque, her long blond hair smoothly curled at the top in a permanent wave. Peter was wearing a soft green sweater and tan pants. She suddenly had the feeling of deja-vu, but rejected it, distracted by introduction.

"Hello, Isabella. I'm Char." She smiled holding out her hand.

Bella took it immediately, relieved at the refreshing feeling her cold grip offered. It had been _so long._

"Hello."

"Please, do come in. I prepared food for you!" She exclaimed while Peter closed the front door.

"You'll have to forgive me! I haven't cooked since the mid-eighteen hundreds. I tried my best. Hopefully it wasn't in vain." She laughed charmingly.

Bella looked over at Peter as Char escaped to what Bella supposed was their kitchen. She shared her first smile with him. _Relief, relief, relief_: her heart sang against it's better judgment.

"It smells wonderful. Thank you for going to the trouble."

Peter led Bella to the kitchen. She spot Char in front of the electric stove. She was stirring with a wooden spoon into a cast iron pot. She poured it's contents into a bowl and brought it to the table that was sitting in the center of the room.

"Please sit!" She smiled. Bella obliged as Char sat the bowl in front of her.

Bella looked down into the bowl and found Macaroni and Cheese. She looked up and her eyes met with a box of Kraft Mac-N-Cheese. Inside, she was hysterically laughing.

"Thank you so much, Char. I'm sure it's going to be wonderful." She said as she hesitantly dug into the bowl of yellow noodles.

A few awkward moments passed where the two vampires stared at Bella Swan eating her dinner. She had never felt so naked. Not even when the Cullens would watch her eat. At least, it seemed that they had more experience with human eating habits. Peter and his wife probably took very little time to watch humans eat. Bella felt like she was being examined by aliens. She put down her spoon carefully.

"Thank you so much, I'm full now." Her eyes were looking anywhere but at her hosts.

"Okay!" Char squealed. "Let's retreat to the back patio?"

"Yes, okay." Bella responded. She was thinking that Char was probably putting up some kind of pretense, to make Bella more comfortable. She imagined Char typing _homemaker_ into a search engine and then watching a video on how to treat a guest.

…...

"So, Bella. How did you come to know—, of us?"

"Of Peter?" Bella questioned.

"Well, no. Of anyone of our— condition." She posed.

"Uh—, I met a family of vampires about two and a half years ago. I started dating one—, he thought for a short while that I might be his mate."

"That happens." Peter interjected.

"It does?"

"Oh, yes. I know a vampire who thought that he had been with his mate for over..." He looked over to Char for approval of his guesstimate, "six decades, I'd say. The heart plays tricks. And for your vampire— his eyes were bigger than his heart." He chuckled.

"Forgive me. I thought mating was— I don't know, instinctual?"

"Oh! Yes it very much is dear. But some times..._It is at the edge of the petal that love waits._ Sometimes it's even more convoluted than that." Char explained.

"And you're vampire friend. Six decades? Does he feel as tricked as I do?" Bella questioned desperately.

"I'm sure his lady did." Peter smiled. Peter's smile drifted off his face to find a better home in that moment; his attention went towards the woods behind their house. Bella and Char took immediate attention. Peter's lips pursed in annoyance.

"Excuse me ladies. I'll only be a few moments."

With that he was gone, leaving Bella and Char to their own devices.

"Who do you think?"

"It's an old friend of ours." Char explained, "He didn't know we'd be having you over for dinner." She smiled.

Bella took a second to look into the darkness of the woods that were three hundred yards away. Peter had disappeared into them in just a second. Bella's heart leapt with anticipation. She knew who it was. She knew it was _Jasper_.

…...

A/N: You know the drill. =] =] =] =]


	9. Chapter 9

All copyrights and materials that regards to Twilight or any of the subsequent novels belong to SM. No copyright infringement intended.

Naïve by The Kooks, You Make My Dreams Come True by Hall And Oates, Parachute as performed by Ingrid Michaelson, and Conversation 16 by The National DO IT.

…...

"Peter! What have you done!" Jasper hissed as his brother approached him quickly.

Jasper had noticed Bella Swan's blood before he had broken through the woods into Peter and Charlotte's backyard. He was astonished to see her sitting on the back porch of his friend's house, talking about _love _nonetheless.

Peter remained silent, a smile on his stoney face.

"Why—? Peter! Answer me." The bottom of Jasper's spine was tingling. This was the first time it had ever happened, and if Jasper took time to think about it, he would guess it was psychological and not physiological. The tingle came from the anger, the surprise, and the down right anticipation of what might happen.

"This had to happen, Jasper. Come on man, Char and I both know that it would come down to this eventually. You and Alice—? I always told you, brother. You finished that red head a week ago. Why aren't you back with your _mate_?" Peter tried to reason. He certainly didn't want Jasper angry with him for too long, but Peter knew what was best in this moment, and it wasn't for Jasper to continue torturing himself like this. His brother would forgive him in the end. He knew it.

"I can't go over there. What would I even say? 'Oh, I was just in the neighborhood...?'" Jasper hissed, ignoring Peter's earlier assertion about Alice. As Jasper was saying this, Peter took note of the way Jasper's eyes squinted, his brows lifted and his cheeks drew back in skepticism.

Peter laughed merrily. "You've never sounded so young in all the time I've known you!"

"I thought you didn't even like her?" He retorted.

"I don't like what she's doing to you. That won't be fixed until you face her. I mean— seriously! You went out in direct sun to help her. She means something to you. You can't deny that."

"She's my sister. Of course I'd help her."

"Right. Well, if she's just your _sister_, then you'll have no issue seeing her tonight. After all, Charlotte made yellow noodles for her, and _she liked them_. I don't think there's ever been a more perfect opportunity." Peter said childishly, nodding his head.

"Fine. Whatever." Jasper marched towards the opening in the woods. He knew that if he approached, if he were to see Bella again, he would be opening up a can of worms he wasn't sure he was ready for. Yet, as he walked through the branches and foliage into Peter's backyard he felt like— it felt right. From three hundred yards away he could see her clearly. Her eyes were shining, and her emotions were listed with joy and anticipation. Her face did not equal her emotions. She looked angry and Jasper couldn't help but chuckle internally at her determination to stay angry with him. In his mind, he understood: they had abandoned her. He had been the catalyst that made it happen, even if it was never his fault. There was nothing to forgive when it came to his part with Edward and the rest of the Cullen's leaving.

Edward was the reason Edward left. For as long as Bella lived, Jasper would never tell her how much Edward truly didn't care about her. Why let him be anything more or less than her first love. He wanted it to be sweet for her. She deserved her anger, but not his callousness. She was so young. Still young. Jasper thought about how much older he was then her, and how wrong it was for them to even know each other. They were from different lifetimes, so much had happened between the years. Different struggles, different ethics, different wars, and everything in between. Whether it was sexual or not, something Jasper wouldn't admit to, there was something perverse about his interest in a nineteen year old girl. She was a child. None of the wisdom he had collected over a century and half would be siphoned into this slip of a girl. She could have an old soul, but she would know nothing of the pain he had endured. The lives he had taken, the lives he had forsaken. She might feel hurt by Edward's actions, but everything was relative. Her pain—, was it selfish for him to think it was incomparable to his own? Was the blood on his hands was more painful to accept? The pain in his heart?

For the first time in a long time he felt the edge of an existential crisis creeping behind him, laughing, mocking him gently. Poking him at the sides, only to slip away when he tried to recognize it. Jasper was changing.

_Mi amigo, yo quiero para el comercio  
>mi caballo por su casa,<br>mi montura por su espejo,  
>mi cuchillo por su manta.<br>Mi amigo, vengo sangrando  
>de las puertas de Cabra.<em> His heart sang.

Jasper closed his eyes slowly and breathed the green air. It was the color he saw and felt when he heard heart pumping her plum colored blood through her veins. Green, green, green. Putt, putt, putt, her heart spoke gently. As he walked closer to her, the putt, putt, putt sped up. When he finally was just a few yards away he stopped.

"Bella."

Bella cleared her throat uncomfortably, "Jasper." She stood up as she said his name, almost as if she was trying to square off with him.

Peter coughed unnecessarily, "Char, maybe we should...?"

"Oh, yes, of course." She stood up at vampire speed and sped into the woods with her husband leaving Bella and Jasper alone.

…...

"Why are you here?" She asked. Jasper took a few steps closer to Bella.

"Right now or...?" Jasper responded, pointing around at nothing in particular.

"Sure. In general. Whatever."

For the first time since he had arrived, only moments ago, he felt bitterness and vitriol roll off of her in waves. Was she thinking of him or the Cullens? Edward, maybe?

"There was a threat. After everyone left, I quickly found out the red head was waiting to attack you."

"The red head?" Bella asked, unfolding her arms and taking a half step closer to Jasper.

"James' mate. She was seeking retribution." He explained. "It was— a lucky coincidence that I was there the day you were attacked by the protester." He took one step closer to Bella. She didn't move in response, only letting the information she had just received sink in.

"May I?" Jasper whispered. He was now right next to Bella, his hand outstretched towards her neck. His hand poised with potential to move her long mahogany hair to the side so that he could view the scar on her neck. Bella took a half step backwards and reached for her locks with her own hand. A silent rejection, through and through: _Don't touch me._ She moved her hair and let the light from the porch lamp reveal her neck. The pink scar shined that night while Jasper examined it. Jasper let out a long enunciated sigh, letting the rejection of oxygen glide off Bella's neck. Like God breathing life into the clay, Bella's body reacted to Jasper's cool gust of breath. She did not let herself swoon, even when her heart muscle leapt to escape she swallowed the feeling down in earnest. _No._ She backed away once again and let the hair return to the crook in her neck.

"You can't swoon me." Bella asserted defensively, breaking the spell she had suddenly been under.

"I wasn't trying to swoon you, Bella." He felt her embarrassment. She added her word vomit to the growing list of eff-ups that she would feel foolish about for years. _God, fucking idiot Bella. What's wrong with you?_ Jasper smiled internally, suppressing his mirth.

"I wanted to apologize, Bella." He spoke quietly, sitting on the porch swing. If she thought he was apologizing for her birthday, what had happened concerning himself, she'd be wrong. Maybe if he was polite he would say he was sorry and move on, not really caring anyway, but for the most part, he always wanted to be honest with Bella. And, he didn't feel like he should have to say sorry for what happened that night. Edward had been dating a human, one who was certainly capable of giving herself _papercuts_. Papercuts were not a risk when there weren't beings whose life source was blood, but when it was—, well Edward was moronic at his best, Jasper had decided. He should have calculated the risks when he decided to bring her into their home. Surly, it couldn't have been so surprising, her skin was like the thin sheath covering the nerve, or the suspended surface layer of a soap bubble, with Jasper: ready at the 'pop!'. She felt indignant for only a split second and then a wave of overwhelming guilt cascaded towards Jasper.

"I wanted to apologize for coming back into your life so suddenly, with out warning. It must have been a shock."

"Yes, I suppose it was." She responded in kind. She looked like she was working gumption to ask him something, her eyebrows furrowed and her nose wrinkled in such a way that made it notable to Jasper.

"Can I ask you about my birthday?"

"What is there to discuss. It's in the past."

"For a long time I was angry with you." She whispered.

"You still are, why lie?"

"Because when I'm faced with you—, I feel guilty for those feelings."

"Your feelings are your own." He spoke ironically.

She snorted at this. "Would you say sorry if I wanted you to?"

"No." He chuckled. "You knew what I was. Of course, the papercut wasn't intentional. I like to blame Edward for the whole debacle. I really like blood, Bella. You have to understand." He laughed. "I don't think you're weak." She said bluntly. "I don't either," He laughed. "I was dealing with the blood lust of a vampire you sing to, plus five other vampires, and then my own. Had I not distracted Edward with my own attack, he would have gotten to you, and you might not be here. Kismet. You should be thanking me." He finished, cocky.

"I guess I never thought of it that way." Bella admitted.

"Love is blind." He said simply. There was a comfortable silence and then Bella spoke.

"The red head?"

"Gone." He answered quickly.

Gratitude rolled off Bella as if she was projecting it purposely. Past thank you's and one for the red head Jasper connected.

"Thank you." She wailed softly, looking into Jasper's amber eyes. It was as if a flood gate had opened, Jasper thought this must be very cathartic for her. Her heart was singing in relief, and for a short second, Jasper's sang too. She sat on the swing next to him, relief evident in her body gestures. Her torso almost slumped as she took her place. Uncharacteristically, or maybe just to Jasper's surprise, she let her head fall to his shoulder.

"I don't want to hate you anymore." She cried a little.

Jasper realized that in the last year and half he had been secretly watching Bella Swan, coupled with the year or so he had been aware of her before, this was the first thorough conversation they had ever had. And, ironically, it was as if they were reconnecting, when they had never connected in the first place. Puzzling as it might seem, even with the surprises in her language, her body movement, her expectations and judgments, Jasper felt like he knew how to comfort her. If he had felt the slow or belting inconstancy of a stutter in his apprehension before, the moment that Bella lay her head on his shoulder he felt that consciousness drift away, renewing his mind and letting it purchase the same relief Bella felt herself. He felt relief where he didn't know he needed it. And it was possibly one of the greatest gifts of all. Even still, he didn't know what it meant, not really... But he lifted his arm anyway and tucked her into his side, rushing her with acceptance and understanding. He didn't care that she was wrong, he didn't care at all.

"I don't want you to either."

"I just need..." She whimpered as she nuzzled deeper into him.

He felt lust suddenly and he recognized it as his own. _Green, how I want you green... Green flesh, her green hair...Let me climb up! Let me, up to the green balconies...Railings of the moon, through which the water rumbles...a thousand crystal tambourines struck at the dawn light..._ Lust, lust, lust. God, no. His heart was singing, and it was too good to turn away. And suddenly she climbed atop of him, straddling his waist. Wrapping her arms around his neck, Jasper wasn't sure if he wasn't projecting his emotions onto her too strongly. Was this her or him?

"I just need a hug, and I haven't had one in so long." Her soft voice rasped. She buried her face in his neck and he buried his in hers. Jasper became extremely overwhelmed with her blood hot against his cheek as he breathed her in. Jasper gasped, his arms finally reaching around her. He placed his hands on her ass and pulled her closer, and honestly his hand placement wasn't intentional. He felt so heady he wasn't sure what was going on anymore and he wondered if she felt the same way. This was wrong, but he held her tightly still.

"Guh..." She noised and gasped. Her entire body was burning hot. She pushed against him more, moving her nose to his neck more fully and smelling him. She got to the point where she was humping his lower abdomen, sitting, suspended in Jasper's cold hands; him pushing her gently towards him. Her arms were no longer around his neck but above his head against the wall that was behind the swing while her head hung low into the crook of Jasper's scarred neck. He was projecting lust violently towards her, and he knew— he just knew these weren't entirely her feelings. All she wanted was hug, and here they were; cathartic as it might be, being completely inappropriate with each other.

"Bella...no."

"Yes, I say yes." She barely responded. "Let me." She became more aggressive.

Jasper gasped once again, something that wasn't entirely normal for his species. "Let you what?" He growled, pushing her into him again. She was still suspended over his lap, pushing away. Pushing her hips into him, wanton. He could feel her heat above him, like a radiator.

"Ahh!" She moaned out in frustration, her voice cracking into a high pitch. He had her not three inches above where she wanted to be. She needed friction. It only served to make him lustier.

"Mi amor por ti está mal." He growled, hugging her tighter to him.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck." She whimpered. "Let me fuck you!" She said hotly as she attacked his neck finally with her hot mouth.

"No!" With that the spell was broken. He pushed her off of him abruptly, coming to in an instant. He ran off quickly, leaving Bella alone on the porch swing. All the emotions he'd been projecting snapped back and all that was left was Jasper's self loathing. He was in disbelief of himself. He knew he had taken horrible advantage of Bella Swan and he couldn't be more disgusted with himself. In the back of his mind he wanted to believe that it was mutual. He thought of those stupid wolves and their mating...imprinting, whatever. Inside Jasper wanted to think that maybe something like that had taken place, or anything else that would justify his actions. But, as he ran through the forest, he was still in awe of the things he and Bella just did. It was so outrageous he wasn't sure he hadn't imagine the whole thing. Yet, Bella's scent lingered, and not just the sweet scent of her blood. Jasper ran to the closest tree and punched it with all of his force. It cracked, the sound of wood splintering was loud and all Jasper could hear in that moment. He backed up and ran towards it, this time running into head first. His skull crashed into it with monument amount of force, obliterating most of the tree and making it fall. The subsequent fall the three hundred foot fir made a lesser sound than the original blow. Jasper had never wanted to bruise and bleed so much in his life. He felt like his outside did not match his inside, and if he could just get them correlate with one and other, it might relieve this anxiety. He looked down at his scars and realized that in the aftermath of what he'd just done, it held no comparison to his feelings at that very second. No scar could hold a sensory justification to it.

"Insanity. Insanity, this is what insanity feels like." Jasper screeched. "What kind of _man _am I?"

…...

A/N:

Phew. So I'm not really sure what you guys will think of this and I'm particularly nervous about how this is gonna' go over, so let me hear it. I wasn't sure if I was going to use this or make it an outtake, because seriously, I didn't see the story progressing quite like this, but when you're in the groove, you're in the groove...right? Anyway, check out the music at the top of the page and shoot a review if ya love me, or even if you're a hater.

Side note: In the last chapter when Peter is talking to Bella in his classroom he had mentioned her meeting the Volturi. This was error that was unintentionally added and has since been edited. Thank you so much Anabely for bringing it to my attention, because you are absolutely correct with the assertion that she would have never been to Italy if I wanted this to be New Moon after Edward abandons Bella. Muchas Gracias mi amor! Also, thank you to everyone who has reviewed, alerted, favorited, etc.

Lots of Love!


	10. Chapter 10

All copyrights and materials that regards to Twilight or any of the subsequent novels belong to SM. No copyright infringement intended.

…...

Insanity, Jasper thought, wasn't such a stranger. He had felt it once before, in the months before he left Maria. When he had let Peter and Charlotte flee to safety. All he had felt then was insanity. Yet, this feeling, it was entirely different then what he had expected; which really was to never feel it again. He took a second to really try and clear his thoughts. Bella. He had left her there all alone, and it was just as disgraceful as the actions he took that had led him to the middle of the woods feeling how he was feeling right now. He had to get back to her and let her know this wasn't her fault. No, it wasn't her fault at all. How could Jasper have been so cowardly in those moments. Too cowardly not to stop himself when he was on the porch with Bella, and then too cowardly too not stay and comfort her in its aftermath.

He wouldn't abandon Bella. He ran back to her, hoping she would still be stationed on the porch swing where he had left her. As he ran, the cracks in his skin repaired themselves unpleasantly. He could see her from the back of the woods and he slowed for only a second to take in her emotional state. Self-hatred and confusion. How could he have done this to her. Bella's arms were around her legs and her cheeks were pressed to her knees tightly. Jasper could smell her tears from where he was in the woods. He was happy she had not left, so he ran to her.

"Bella!" He mimicked being out of breath, or more accurately, a man desperate.

She looked up towards him, feeling broken. He could feel her will power building upon its self. She didn't want anything from him. Then the most curious thing happened—, Jasper felt her pride.

"I've never been so— upset and sorry." He offered. "I'm not sure what happened. But, I should have never ran off like that. I was—, I was disgusted with myself. I know I was projecting those feelings on you—. I might as well have raped you." He finished pathetically.

"Jasper— stop." She whispered. She unwrapped herself and stood up and stern expression on her face. "I just can't be here. I'm sorry."

"There's nothing for you to be sorry for—. But, Bella..."

"No, seriously. You have to understand something. That was— a mistake if there ever was one. I'm an adult now, and I understand things I didn't when the Cullens were still here. I know that might sound— trivial, but it's true. That was a release, one that at the time, I thought I needed. It was overwhelming and stupid, and certainly unexpected, but Jasper—, you're not gonna' break my heart. This is the first time I've really even talked to you almost ever. I don't know what that was, or what you've been through— or where the hell _Alice_ even is! But don't make this more than it has to be. Okay?"

"Bella, I—." Jasper began, but she cut him off, her hand raising itself almost as if to block any further conversation from his side.

"Just let me go for right now. I'm sure we will see each other again." She started to turn towards the interior of the house when she stopped and turned again, "Please tell Char and Peter that dinner was wonderful."

Jasper only let him self breath in that second. No thinking, never thinking. She would never know how much she hurt him in that second. Of course she was right. But still, he wanted her and he didn't know why.

…...

Bella kept her mind off of the night she re-met Jasper. She kept her self busy constantly, and she hadn't been so active in a long time. She went pumpkin picking with Charlie at the local harvest festival, they had even gone fishing. He wanted to get in a few more trips before it got to cold. _Although_, he said that every year, and still went ice fishing with Billy when late December rolled around. She started eating more, she started running. She had even picked up painting as of late. It had been a few weeks and she thought she was doing a good job of keeping her mind off of him.

When she was in history class though, the thoughts were unstoppable. Just thinking of the class and then seeing Peter, it was all she could do to distract her self with sectionalism. Bella had secretly given herself permission to think of him during those fifty-five minutes. The thoughts were coming whether she wanted them or not when she was in that classroom. Bella would sit in class and think of all different types of situation with Jasper, Peter, and even Char. How she would tell them off. All of them together, all of them separately— two of them together, pairing them off in her head and telling them how much they were really imposing on her life. She would even think of their reaction, every possible thing they would say to justify themselves, and in her mind, she would always shame them, coming out victorious and right. In her mind, she was allowed to be as selfish as she wanted, even if she would never say those things out loud.

These thoughts would eventually lead to one thought—, Edward. God! She could feel her heart jump just thinking of his name. Her throat would threaten to close up, if only to stomp out the yelp of pain she was dying to release. She wasn't over him, and she didn't want to be. She missed him. Bella knew it was wrong, but my God, there were moments where she didn't care. When she did let herself think of the night her and Jasper— hooked up, for all intents and purposes, she hated to admit, that in their first meeting since Edward left, it was the farthest she had ever gotten with a man sexually. And something she would never admit, barely even to herself, was that she was thinking of Edward in those moments. When she asked him to let her fuck her—, oh God, she was asking Edward! Then Jasper pushed her off of her, slurring something or other, and she felt the same rejection again. It was Edward that pushed her off in her mind, not Jasper. Intellectually she knew this was incorrect.

But still, it was Jasper. She did want to see him again, if only to regain any feeling in her heart. No pumpkin picking or early morning fishing could help it. Though Charlie seemed awkwardly overjoyed that Bella wanted to spend time with him. This came out of the blue for her, as she had always felt that her and Charlie had a tumultuous father-daughter relationship. She would go with the flow for his sake— and hers. She really loved the shit out of him, and the short reprieve he offered through his presence was welcome. But, when she left him, she felt that emptiness. Closure, that's what she needed.

She really had let go of the bitterness she felt towards Jasper that night. And he was right, it was never his fault; she was only looking for somebody to blame. There were so many questions in her mind about her birthday and the subsequent events that she ultimately scapegoated Jasper. It was horrible of her, but did people forget that she was only eighteen, now nineteen. She was not nearly as matured as people gave her credit for. No matter how many supernatural beings were in her life, this was anything but a fairytale. She'd never all the sudden have a realization that Jasper was anything other than her lost love's brother, the brother that tried to eat her on her birthday. Not with out some catalyst: Jasper himself, coming back to tell her, to set her straight. And Peter. Peter who would send her pity-smiles when no one was looking. _You're wrong, Bella Swan_, they seemed to scream. Maybe she was, but she didn't want to be. She was moving forward, even if it meant admitting to her own faults. Bella was changing.

…...

Bella looked over he clothes carefully that morning. She wasn't sure why, but she wanted to actually feel good about herself for once. She wanted to wear something that made he worth looking at. She dug out a short floral dress, a black belt, black stockings, a pair of short boots, and a jacket of some sort. Perhaps, she laughed to herself, her sense of what was worth looking at was skewed, but this dress made her feel beautiful, and the stockings gave her a comforting sense of snugness that she received from little else. She let her hair fall naturally, grabbed her back pack and hit the road.

She had a project in her Philosophy class due today on secular humanism. Particularly, the rejection of the supernatural and religious dogma. She cracked up when she pulled that out of the hat that Mr. Tournell had passed around when he assigned the project.

…...

"Bella! Please stay behind for one moment."

Bella smiled to herself devilishly. She was not an over confident person, but there was just something funny about the way her Philosophy teacher looked at her. More importantly, talking to him made her forget who she was. Which she now realized she loved.

"Professor Tournell." She smirked internally.

He smiled genially towards her and took a step closer.

"Bella. I just wanted you to know that everything worked out with our insurance companies."

"Just like I said." Bella smiled, remembering when she said they would, even though she wasn't sure at the time that that was true.

"Yes, just like you said...You're presentation was very interesting. I have to say, I was glad out of everyone in this class you got secular humanism. It's a tough topic to grasp— to explain." He complimented.

"Oh, I'm pretty sure that everything in this class is hard to grasp—," Bella chuckled. "The topics. This is one of the hardest classes I've taken in a while. I didn't realize it would be so difficult when I signed up for it."

She looked towards him then, his dark hair falling into his face. He looked shy all of the sudden. Mr. Tournell had never struck Bella as an over confident type of person, but she didn't take him to be so sheepish.

"I have a good teacher though." She added, trying to be kind.

He paused, pursing his thick lips. "You're opinion on supernatural entities was unexpected. People don't often veer to far from religious dogma, or superstition for that matter. You seem like a strong proponent for secular humanism, which in my opinion, is strange in a girl your age." He spoke out. Bella noticed after the last time she spoke to her professor that he tended to get the gumption to say something and then his brain sort of took over his mouth, saying almost too much. Bella only raised her eyebrows.

"But, I must be stereotyping of course. I suppose I just think young women tend to be more romantic about things like this. Perhaps not inasmuch as women or even anyone else strictly believing in God. We, ourselves are throttling towards an anti-theist society everyday. At least in America..." He shook his head, clearing away his word vomit.

"Anyway, I just meant I thought maybe you would be more into superstition, but you are forever the skeptic. Of everything." He chuckled.

"Yes, I suppose I am." Was Bella's only clever response.

"You seem to disregard everything. Why is that?" He asked.

"I might just be the most self-absorbed person you've ever met, and you just don't know it yet. Maybe I think I know everything."

He looked shocked for a moment. "Please don't tell me you're trying to be purposely ironic." He begged.

"God, no. Stop it, I can't believe you even just said that to me." Bella laughed in mock dread.

He laughed merrily beside her before looking at his watch and realizing her was late for something or other.

"Ah, Bella. I must be off." He said, getting his stuff together hurriedly.

"Yes, me too. Sectionalism awaits!" She said with contrived enthusiasm. She threw her book bag over her shoulder and looked down at the watch on her wrist. She had ten minutes until she had to be in Peter's class. Her philosophy professor laughed generically and hovered his hand behind the small of her back as if to lead her from the room. When they met the classroom door, he stopped behind her and leaned down as if to whisper a secret to her.

"Please, Bella, call me Chase when we are not— in a classroom environment." He requested.

Bella thought for a second as her heart jumped mildly, chills spread out over her neck.

"Goodbye, Chase." She whispered, and then she walked away quickly.

What the heck, she thought. What was she doing?

…...

When she entered the history classroom her attention went immediately to the Civil War veteran, Peter Kennicott, who was giving her a less than pleasant expression. In fact, it was a scowl that she did not care for. Her thoughts jumped right into vampire conspiracy theories. Had he heard her and Professor Tournell. She would probably call him that in her head space until she was used to calling him by his first name. Had Peter been eavesdropping? She almost smiled internally. It was against what she thought was her better judgment. Contradictions galore. She didn't want anything to do with them, but on the occasion that Peter let his disapproval known, her emotions flooded with glee. She was a bad person. She decided it right then. She deserved nothing and she was a bad person.

…...

"Just when I thought we were starting to get along Bella Swan." Peter hissed as Bella packed up her book bag.

"Don't even begin to blame me for what happened when I came over that night." She said back, not even looking up.

"Get it straight little girl—," Peter hissed again, now right next to her. He didn't even try to hide his speed, and probably, Bella thought, he was using it for intimidation. He was about to spit out what he had to say, Bella now looking into his eyes, but he stopped himself, the epitome of restraint. He breathed deeply taking in her scent.

"I actually don't mind you. I _know_ certain things, and I _know_ what life has in store for you. It's hard for me to watch you fuck shit up for no reason other then the fact that it's so hard for you to see outside of yourself for more than three seconds, that you feel you have to screw with everyone and everything to get your nut off!" His lips pursed and his eyes shut in restraint once again.

Bella was breathing deeply in what she didn't want to admit was fear.

"I don't even know what that means."

"Everything you are doing right now is useless. It only serves to hurt." He leaned down closer to her face, "And I think you know that, Isabella Swan."

Bella didn't respond, she didn't know how to deny something that was so utterly true.

"Does this have to do with Jasper?" She finally asked.

"Would it make you feel shiny and new if it did?" He spat back at her. Was she so pathetic that even in the midst of potential self-realization she needed validation?

"What do you want from me!" She screamed, suddenly overwhelmed with self-loathing. "I get it, I suck!" She wish she was more articulate in that moment, but those were the only words that made themselves present in her frustration. She was almost hyperventilating, scared. Peter backed away from her carefully, maybe realizing he was coming on too strong in his own anger. He only shook his head.

"I want you to let go of the past, it holds no future for you. Just _let it go_." He said emphatically.

"Look Peter, I get that you're like _a million years old_. But I'm not! What ever potential me you know of, or whatever, is not here. You let it go. You can't just spew some hidden innuendos, lace everything you say with secret meaning, half-way quote anonymous writers and expect me to understand what you want. If this has something to do with Jasper, tell him to come see me."

When she had exhausted what she had to say she ran out of the classroom quickly. Not for the first time, and surely not the last time, she left Peter's classroom more confused then when she had arrived. But now, she wanted answers. She couldn't avoid the _Jasper issue_ anymore. She needed to see him. She needed to see him now.

…...

A/N: Leave me review love.


	11. Chapter 11

All copyrights and materials that regards to Twilight or any of the subsequent novels belong to SM. No copyright infringement intended.

…...

"She such a bitch!" Peter spewed, taking his mouth away from his victim's neck. Blood spitting away from his lips, his hands holding the man's shirt tightly to him. His mind had little room for anything besides Bella Swan these days, and after their confrontation in his classroom, he couldn't see it anymore. He couldn't see why his brother was so infatuated with Bella 'the woe is me' Swan.

"Peter, stop it. You're making a mess." Char said gently. Peter looked at his dinner with disgust, dropping the old man roughly.

"God! What does he see in her? I mean _come on_ Char! She seriously does not deserve him. I know she's all 'confused' or whatever, but she seriously needs to get her act together. I really can't see her getting redemption. How do you change yourself in such a short period of time. And I _know_ they will be together soon. I mean, even Alice was better than this. It's like Edward poisoned her...Right?"

"She needs closure. She was in love with him." She responded, picking up the man Peter had dropped and gently laying him on his bed. "Also, there's no reason to take your anger out on this gentleman. Seriously, Peter?" She looked at her husband with disapproval.

"And what he sees in her—, what did you see in me when I was going around fucking everything in sight to get over the fact that I was killing close to one-hundred people a day for Maria...? You still wanted me." She finished simply.

"You're my mate, darlin'. There's nothing you could do to stop my love."

"Exactly." She said, putting her hand on his shoulder and kissing his cheek. "Nothing is simple, why pretend like it is? For what, comfort? When have you ever been comfortable? Any of us?" She asked.

"I'm comfortable when I'm with you." He quipped. He quirked his eyebrows in quick succession, "More than..." He chuckled.

"Cut it out." She laughed. "Maybe if we get them in the same place at the same time, they will be able to figure it out, yeah?"

"Bella-bitch told me to send Jasper to her earlier when we were— arguing. You know Jasper would be furious if he know I talked to her. So maybe your way is better. Get them together somehow. But what kind of outings would Jasper not find so contrived that they had to be a set up?"

"I don't know honey, we will figure it out." Char smiled.

Peter only 'humphed' in frustration. "By the way, I think Chase Tournell wants to fuck her. Well, I know he does. He thinks she's 'different'. What a load of bullshit." He guffawed.

"The handsome philosophy teacher I met at teacher's retreat?" She laughed.

"Ha! Yes. He's a fool. An intellectual with no mouth filter and a certain sense of— idiocy? I don't know. He disguises his moronic sensibility with degrees and bull shit rhetoric about God. He's not attracted wife. Enter Bella Swan." Peter rolled his eyes.

"He seemed like a smart enough man." Char reasoned.

"Shy as a mouse that one." Peter continued. "He hates his wife but is too cowardly to divorce her. Bella Swan get's her neck split by an idiot with a poster and now she's on some pedestal for him." He laughed. "Because she's 'faced death'." He used air quotations and spoke with mock dread slash fear. "God, humans are so annoying. They find meaning in the most senseless things."

"It's not healthy to be so bitter, Peter." Char sighed. "And what do we find meaning in then? No matter how much of a brat Bella Swan is she _has_ faced death. Multiple times. And it has probably changed her for the worse. I don't know why everyone expects her to come out these situations with some kind of immortalized healthy attitude about life, love, etc.; that's bullshit. She's damaged, get over it Peter. Not to mention that shit for brains ex lover of hers. Edward Cullen. According to Jasper he never was interested as more than a meal anyways. Keeping her around as a trophy. Whether you want her to be or not, she's a child that was used and lied to after being faced with a race of people that don't exist to ninety percent of the world. You should be thanking God that she's not in a fucking asylum. So what if she's selfish. She _will_ get over it."

"Well, geez Char. Why can't you just let me be mad? It's all I want right now." He asked, exasperated.

"You know—, she probably feels the same way." Char smiled ironically.

Peter only huffed in frustration.

…...

A/N: a short chappie until I get the next one out. Enjoy, and leave a review on your way out. =] also check out the playlist on my profile. I want to make sure it works for you folks.


	12. Chapter 12

All copyrights and materials that regards to Twilight or any of the subsequent novels belong to SM. No copyright infringement intended.

…...

The phone rang, and to Jasper it felt like the rings were going by too fast. He knew he needed to speak to Alice, he needed comfort. It was stupid, and probably the most human thing Jasper had done in a long time. He wasn't scared, just anticipating the worst. He didn't want to hurt her the way he knew he was had been.

"Jasper." She picked up. She sounded as solemn as Jasper felt. He was sitting at the edge of the woods next to Bella's house, picking grass between his fingers.

"Alice." He responded finally.

"Why are you calling me?" She was hurt. Was he only hurting her more by getting a hold of her.

"I don't know. You're my best friend?" He asked. He was lonely. Lonely even when he was around Peter and Charlotte, even lonely when he sat listening to Bella's heartbeat while she slept. He had been with Alice for so long, and everything he was feeling now— didn't undermine the friendship and love he'd had with her. But he just knew he wasn't in love with her anymore. No matter how much he wanted to tell her, he knew he couldn't, but it broke his heart just as much as it broke hers. He sounded selfish even in his own mind. He had no one to talk to about his feelings for Bella Swan. It was stupid for him to have fooled himself into thinking he could talk to Alice. Of course he couldn't.

"You haven't been a very good friend to me Jasper." She spat out.

"I'm sorry, baby." He kind of cried. "I don't know— anything anymore."

"You can't call me that anymore. You gave that up for _Bella Swan_. How's that going anyway?" The sound coming through the speaker of his phone was venomous.

Jasper smiled to himself, self-loathing.

"I won't say it's a mistake because things haven't panned out yet, Alice. You knew she was my mate. And you kept her away from me." He accused, using any excuse to make up for his behavior towards his wife.

"You know I knew nothing!" She spat. It was the angriest he'd ever heard her. He was glad they weren't in person. "God, I wish I'd had the comfort of vision to help me through this! Then I would have known months ago that you were in love with Edward's hand-me-down! This has side blinded me worse than anything else. How could I have ever known!" She cried.

"I don't Alice, you're the fucking psychic, right! I mean— I didn't do this on purpose. I don't know what drives me to her anymore than you do. If I could forget these feelings I would! But— every time I try to leave, it's like I'm ripping my heart out. I can't do it, I can't leave her!" He screeched. He wanted someone to blame for his heart ache. It was stupid and selfish, but they both needed to yell and scream at each other.

"She doesn't even like you!" Alice hissed. "That's right. The last two days I've been flooded with visions of that stupid bitch. She doesn't want you, Jasper."

"Stop!" He yelled loudly. The volume of his voice reached new levels.

"She's gonna' fuck her teacher." She screamed into the phone. "She doesn't even care about you Jasper, she doesn't even think of you! She's gonna' fuck him, and she's gonna' like it Jasper. And guess what? She won't be thinking of you, or even Edward. If you think that's why she hasn't fallen in love with you yet, you're wrong! She doesn't even care about him anymore!"

Jasper yelped in pain. The air in his throat got caught, and although he didn't need to breath, he felt like he was suffocating.

He didn't realize in that moment that she was preying on his insecurities, playing up her half-visions that were changing constantly. That she knew what life had in store for Bella and Jasper and was so embittered by the love of her life leaving her that she was only trying to hurt him.

It felt like he was going into cardiac arrest. He clutched his hand to his heart. No, no, no...

"Fuck you, Alice."

"Why did you call me!" She asked angrily. Before he could answer she cut him off.

"What did you expect from me? To give you my blessing?" She sounded exasperated at this point.

"No, not really. I just. I miss you." He admitted.

"You're not allowed to miss me, Jasper. Isn't that against some cosmic rules or something? You left me. For another person." She had considerably calmed down while she was saying this, the hurt weaving it's self through her voice again.

"I don't know."

There was a long silence, both of them taking in their confrontation, and as the silence drove on, Jasper wondered if he had really messed up everything he had ever worked hard for. Alice. His wife, the once love of his life. She was in Alaska now trying to figure out what had gone wrong. Jasper had always known, known that their love did not equal the magnitude of Rosalie and Emmett's or Carlisle and Esme's. Of course there had always been a certain magnetism between them, they were best friends first, and she truly understood Jasper in a way no one had before, and when nights were lonely, they found solace in each other. Was it because he felt so self-loathing towards himself for his past that he never thought to keep looking for a true mate? No, he really had been happy with Alice.

"I just want you to know— how sorry I truly am."

"Yeah, yeah." She whispered, her own self hatred finally showing. "Go find your true mate and be happy. Have a good life, Jasper—. Is that what everyone expects me to say? Because I'm the happy go lucky pixie vampire wonder? How could anyone expect me to be anything less than completely devastated?" She asked, in what seemed like a rhetorical manner. Jasper didn't want to respond, because no, that's not what he'd expected, but it is what he had hoped. Indulgently, he would fantasize that Alice would be happy for him, and forget that he'd so thoroughly broken her heart.

"Goodbye, Alice."

"Goodbye, Jazz. Hopefully we'll meet again and these circumstances might not be quite so horrific. For right now though, leave me be. Don't torture me. Lately the visions have been enough." And she hung up.

…...

Bella woke up to a screeching sound that shocked her to the core. She sat pin straight in her bed, the sound of nightmares echoing through her back yard. What the—? She shook her sleep away and stood up, a little woozy from just realizing consciousness. Bella walked to her open window carefully and peered out, trying to find the source of the sound. Garbled words reached her ears, a conversation she probably wasn't supposed to hear. But then again, she thought, maybe the person talking so loudly slash moaning in pain, shouldn't be doing so in her back yard.

"Fuck you, Alice!" The voice yelled angrily. Then the conversation took its low garbled tone again.

Alice? Bella thought quickly. Was she outside? A sudden desperation filled her body, alerting her and making her hyper aware. She had to get outside. Her best friend was out there and she needed answers. In retrospect, she should have questioned why she didn't feel this outrageous desperation in the presence of Jasper, who was probably willing and able to spoon-feed Bella all the answers she's ever wanted. But this was _Alice._ Alice, who when Bella wasn't with Edward, was constantly by her side. Her long-lost best friend. And then suddenly, Bella was angry. Alice left her too. With out a word, no letter, no phone call, no nothing.

When she finally reached her back porch she was angry still, looking out into her back yard where the grass met the woods and saw one Jasper Whitlock on a cell phone, talking quickly into. He looked as desperate as Bella felt. She stood there, her arms crossed and watched as he tore up the back of her yard with his hands unconsciously. He looked sad and desperate. She couldn't really understand anything he was saying at this point, but she could translate the emotions projecting off of him. Heartbreak. He was heartbroken. And as Bella stood there, Jasper unaware that she had taken post, her arms loosened a little from their previous posture: folded and closed, unwilling to receive any of Jasper's empathy. But they loosened still, her eyes adjusting to the darkness of the night, the moon shining down on the vampire in her backyard. He was a desperate man, in the same way she was a desperate woman.

It was sudden. Her anger washing away, and really, it was the only way she could describe it. It was as if it literally drained from her system, leaving her almost melancholy. _Humph_, she pantomimed. It was as if the last part of her bitterness left unwillingly, trying to stick in there, trying to be there for when she knew she would talk to him, but Bella's heart won out, she wanted to comfort Jasper Whitlock. Perhaps, not the same way as the last time they met, but nonetheless she wanted to soothe him.

Were the Cullen's in shambles? Were they torn apart the way her heart was? She conjected. And for a short and sweet moment, her anger came back—, this time directed at one Edward Cullen. It was all encompassing, the anger, driving like a race car through her very veins, infecting her muscles and warming her cheeks. It was vain, Bella thought, to think that what Edward had done to her, had also effected the Cullen's so thoroughly, but she couldn't help it. The thoughts kept moving, faster and faster, through her mind. Edward had ruined his family, the same way he'd ruined her. Ruined her as a child, ruined her as a woman now, ruined her relationships, her ability to be intimate, both sexually and platonic. He'd ruined her sensibilities, sophomoric and existential. What other damage had he done? What other ruins did he leave in his wake?

Childishly, she thought, she wanted to stomp her feet. She wanted to tear apart everything in sight. She looked over at Jasper, who looked calmer, like he was at the end of his conversation, and wondered how he'd not noticed her there. She was positive her emotions were projecting violently at this point, her heart beat raised, and the blush on her face sending out smells that a vampire, only a few yards away would notice in less then split second. Yet, still he stood, heartbroken, now shutting his phone and placing it in his pocket. He took his hands and led them through his hair, holding it tightly back and producing a hair twisty, to tie it back. When his hands left the back of his head, they only trailed towards his face rubbing it as if he were weary, and if he were human, his skin might have been tight with dried tears that he wanted to wipe away.

Bella sighed loudly, her heart beating faster at the potentiality of Jasper noticing her watching him. And like a magic trick, it worked. His head snapped upwards, his eyes centering on her.

"Bella?" He called. Of course it was her, who else would it be she thought.

…...

A/N: Cliffy! Bahh! Hopefully, you know we are getting somewhere now...Mwahaha, my plans are finally coming together.

I would like to thank everyone that reviewed, favorited, and story alerted etc. You really are the reason I'm writing this still, so leave me some love on the way out by way of a review. I will try and get the next chapter out soon! =] As for right now...I'm gonna' go pick some pumpkins!


	13. Chapter 13

All copyrights and materials that regards to Twilight or any of the subsequent novels belong to SM. No copyright infringement intended.

…...

"I'm not going to ask what you're doing in my yard." Was all she said, taking a seat on her porch steps.

"How did I not notice you...?" He asked himself as he came closer to her. What the—?

"How did you not lower your voice is the real question. Your moaning woke me up. Rude, Jasper. Rude." She chuckled. For a second she thought of going inside and making tea for the both of them and then she remembered—, but maybe he'd like something to warm his hands. She laughed at her own thoughts internally. What a silly thing to think of. In all of her angst and bitterness, all she wanted in this moment was to share a cup of tea with Jasper Whitlock. She'd said it before, and it was true, she didn't want to be angry anymore, but anger was a sickness. One in which she relapsed into many times. This journey wasn't over, maybe she needed to share it with someone.

"Mirth." His only response came out with a small laugh.

"Excuse me?" She asked, raising her eyebrows.

"Why are you laughing inside?" He posed, looking into her eyes.

She stood up suddenly. "I'm making us tea." She started walking into her back door that led to the kitchen. He followed her.

"My mom used to make me tea when I was feeling down." She whispered as she put the kettle on the stove. "It was nice."

He only smiled. She looked over at him carefully while she grabbed the teabags from the cabinet.

"I know it won't be much considering—."

"It's wonderful, thank you." He cut her off.

_Perfect_. She thought. She took a second to look at Jasper in that moment. The yellow light from the kitchen stove barely lit the room, but her eyes had long adjusted, and when she looked at him, the lines in his face had never looked so soft. A smile curled on his face, and he wasn't even looking at her, but she knew he was at least feeling a reprieve from the pain she had walked in on earlier. His hair was pulled back showing cheeks, which seemed chubbier when he smiled, it made her heart jump for just a split second. His eyes gazed towards her suddenly, her hand half taking out two tea bags, paused in her previous action. They stared into each others eyes for only a second before the whistle from the kettle blew making Bella jump.

She scratched her head thoughtfully before rushing over to the kettle. She turned off the stove, grabbed to mugs and filled them with steaming water. As she put the teabags into the mugs she started to talk quietly while handing a cup to Jasper.

"Let's go outside again?" She asked, walking over to the coat tree and grabbing her jacket.

"Yes, please." He whispered.

As they sat down outside, Bella explained, "It only takes a few moments to steep."

If she were pretending he was drinking tea with her, she might as well do so thoroughly. She wondered if he was going to play along.

"Ah, yes, that's the information I was seeking. My mother, too, used to make me tea after I used to come home from the local bars less than— ah, you catch my meaning." He chuckled, pulling the tea bag up and down as to let the tea leaves flavor penetrate the water more fully. Bella mimicked his actions.

"Do you remember much of your life before your change?" She asked, taking a sip.

He held the mug up to his nose to smell the drink. If she unfocused her eyes enough, it almost looked like he was taking a sip as well.

"Thankfully yes...I uh— remember everyone but my father very clearly. My mother, she had blond hair, very long and reaching the bottom of her back. She was older then most mothers with children my age. She was in her early fifties I would guess. We kept track of time fairly well, but she lost any documentation of her birth in a fire when she was young. It killed both of her parents." He explained. "She had depression, but back then, nothing like that was treated, but I always knew how she was feeling. She meant a great deal to me." He admitted.

"That's kind of wonderful in a way. I'm sorry she was sad though." Bella responded looking at Jasper and taking another sip. There was a silence for a while then, but she finally broke it.

"Do you ever feel like— you're lost?" She asked. Before he answered she clarified. "I feel like I have no identity." She closed her eyes. "I want to be angry about a lot of things, and most of the time I am, but what that anger is directed at... It's never just." Guilt was rolling off of her in waves.

"I went from being— who I was. Selfless, clumsy, never one to speak up to this. I feel like I've been destroyed, I can't recognize myself. Not that I was a prize before, but I went from being blissfully unaware that I had no identity besides the one I let Edward give me, to being completely defined by what he did to me... It's pathetic, really." She frowned.

"None of us know who we are." He answered seriously. "It's the cynical truth no man wants to face. The constant disorder of being an intelligent being. You humans talk of mid-life crisis', yes?"

She nodded her head, listening to every word he spoke.

"Humans, and even vampires go through these crisis' very often, so I never understood why modern culture has highlighted this particular one. But really the truth is, we are _always_ defined by the people who mean the most to us. We wouldn't follow leaders, religions, willingly go to war, or change ourselves for the satisfaction of others if this wasn't the truth. In fact, we wouldn't feel guilt, or the blinding betrayal of hypocrisy if it weren't. I know this sounds disconcerting, but it should comfort you." He finished, smelling his tea again.

Bella stayed silent in the wake of realization.

"That's sad." She remarked blankly.

"Yes, the idea of being an individual is truly romantic isn't it? I mean we strive for it constantly, in one way or another." He was thoughtful for a moment before moving on. "A quote...for thought?"

"Sure."

"You can't keep blaming somebody else for your dysfunction, life is really about moving on." He smiled.

"Poignant." She chuckled. "You're very wise."

"I'm very old." He countered.

"I know I've asked you before—, but after hearing you _scream _at Alice, I need to know why you're here. What happened with you two?" She finally asked. It had been nagging her and in the back of her mind she had been trying to find a window of opportunity to ask, but their conversation had suddenly taken a turn, making it impossible earlier.

"Alice and I... We have separated." He said, melancholy dripping off his tone.

"Why?" It was befitting of the situation to ask, but in reality it was the only word that formed in both her mind and her mouth. She thought mates were forever. After Edward had left her and now Jasper and Alice being done, Bella didn't know what to think of the whole institution at all anymore.

"I'm no longer in love with her." He said quietly.

"How do you just do that? How do you just fall out of love with you're mate?" Bella asked, on the edge of anger.

"She wasn't my mate." He whipped, not in anger, but in disagreement.

"Then why call her your mate when she wasn't?" Bella rectified, moving closer to him.

"I thought she was, Bella. But, if I want to be honest with myself," he sighed. "I really knew she wasn't. I'm an empath, I have on multiple occasions felt the bond between a mated pair, and every time it was nothing like what Alice and I had. Of course I loved her. But that doesn't mean I was meant to spend eternity with her. She liberated me, but if I allowed that to be the only reason that I stayed with her it would only be guilt, and what kind of a man would that make me? Especially, when I know my true mate is here." He spoke passionately.

She only saw one thing. "Do you think me and Edward were mated?"

"Is he all you see?" Jasper asked, sounding breathless. He wasn't angry, but disappointed.

"He blinds me. And I just want closure, I have no more fantasies about him coming back to me."

"No, you weren't truly mated. Of course you weren't. I don't mean that to sound cruel. But it's the truth." He answered the question that had been on the tip of her tongue for almost a year an half.

He didn't need to ask how she felt to know, but he did anyway. "Are you very sad?"

"No." She cried. He put down his mug, it had long since gone cold, and moved closer to Bella, his hand reaching down for hers, both of them meeting half way between where they were sitting. "I'm so relieved." Sobs poured out of her.

"I don't need to know anything more than that." She whispered, her shoulders drooping. He really could feel the relief rolling off of her and it soothed him. He was glad she didn't want to know more, because he thought to himself, he didn't want to share anymore on the subject of Edward Cullen. He wanted him to leave her mind and heart forever. He could of course linger there, but he wanted her to move on from the heartbreak Edward had provided her.

"Since Edward left me, I thought...I thought that I couldn't have anyone else, because I thought me and him— were meant to be together. It's hard to explain, but knowing that he and I, that we weren't mated completely relieves me. It makes me able to move on."

"I understand." He pulled her closer and whispered into her hair.

Her cries were heartbreaking, her voice broke as she spoke and tears were streaming down her face. "I don't know why I let myself get so lost in him." She kept crying, her sobs stuttering in their release. Her cheeks pulled back as cries escaped her mouth and blood flooded the surface of her skin as Jasper pulled her closer. He took the mug from her shaking her hands and placed it on the ground next to them. His hands returned to her and matted down her messy hair before taking her face in his hands.

"Stop hating yourself." He spoke gently, rubbing the tears off of her face. "For something that's not your fault." He looked into her eyes. "What he did to you was wrong. But let this be the last time that you blame yourself. You won't say it, but I can feel your heart Bella. I know you think you did something wrong, and you never did."

"Years from now," he continued. "He won't even be a blip on the map." He half-smiled.

"Darlin', you're worth so much more than this...I promise."

She wasn't responding— only staring at Jasper's amber eyes, which were steadily getting darker.

"Jasper?"

"Yes?"

"Are you here, for me?" She couldn't believe that she'd just asked that, but the way he was holding her face, the way he was talking to her indicated—. She pulled her hand up to touch his own, which was still stationed on her face. He pulled his hand away.

"Peter said that I should be here tonight, everything after—, the conversation with Alice, you being out here... Maybe this is why. To comfort you." He offered.

It wasn't what she'd meant, but she didn't want to embarrass herself. Although, her shame was apparent and Jasper took notice.

"Don't be upset anymore, Bella. I'm glad I was here. We needed to talk things out." Jasper spoke. This wasn't the conversation his heart wanted, but it was the one his brain demanded. He just wanted her, but even now, he knew this wasn't the right moment.

She backed away from him this time. "About last time. You know—?"

He didn't want to admit it was a mistake and he didn't want her to either.

"It's okay." He interrupted. "It was just...a release?"

"Yeah, okay." She whispered.

"—Jasper?" She spoke suddenly after a minute or two of silence.

"Yes Bella." He looked over at her, her tears completely gone.

"Thanks." She smiled.

…...

A/N: From here on out it should be smooth cruising...a lot less angst I promise. I don't think I ever intended to draw it out this far, but I felt like there was so much to say. Plussss, you should know there are some huge twists to come... =]

Leave a review on your way out if you've got a moment. Thanks peeps. Also, check out music playlist on my profile. Just copy and paste www into the url and enjoy.


	14. Chapter 14

All copyrights and materials that regards to Twilight or any of the subsequent novels belong to SM. No copyright infringement intended.

…...

Bella sat stock straight from her bed, she rubbed her eyes thoroughly. Her breath pocketed in her cheeks, blowing them out before the burst of air released its self in a big puff. It was a large sigh, a sigh of relief. Just a small portion of the relief she felt last night when she talked to Jasper. She still felt it and a smile stretched across her face. She shook her head out and giggled to herself. This was uncommon for her, but not unwelcome in this moment. The sun was barely over the trees. Usually the sun being out would tune Bella's mind to the fact that no vampires would be out today, but she was feeling patient. She got dressed quickly and flew down the stairs.

"Hey Dad!" She yelped as she ran into her father.

"Bells! You're up early." He remarked, surprised.

"It's seven, Dad. I mean, I suppose it's early." She admitted. "I wanted to make breakfast. You interested?" She was talking quickly and zipped past him into the kitchen, almost manic in her relief.

"Hey kiddo!" He yelled out, following her.

"Yeah Dad?" She said from inside the refrigerator. He walked over to the sink where the two mugs from the night before now lay. Rookie mistake, he chuckled to himself.

"I know I sleep like a log but, who was here last night?"

Her spine straightened out faster than a whip. Her head came out from behind the fridge door almost comically, her eyes wide.

"What?" Was all she said, startled by the question.

"Who was here last night?" His inflection changed, but he was still chuckling at his daughter. He held up both of the mugs, mocking her with the evidence.

"Oh— um. Jessica stopped by. She failed out of college." Half a chuckle escaped Bella's lips at her lie.

"Ah-huh." He agreed, dropping the subject. "Okay, well sunny side up, please. I'll be in the living room finishing up some paperwork." He shook his head laughing as he left the room. Of course Jessica failed out of college.

Bella cooked up her and her father's food quickly, enjoying cooking, but rushing to get him out. She wanted to decide what she wanted to do this Saturday, and it had nothing to do with being a couch potato. She wanted to be outside today. She wanted to explore. It was befitting that today was so beautiful. A gift really.

"Dad, foods ready!" She yelled into the living room.

Her father walked in, his gait straight.

"Thanks baby-girl." He sat down and dug into his food, grateful.

"Why are you going into work today anyway?" She asked between bites.

"Ah," he cleared his throat thoughtfully. "There was a homicide in the outskirts of town. A little girl actually."

Bella was startled by this information.

"How old was she?" She asked.

"Fifteen. The whole thing is a bit of a mystery." He spoke offhandedly, his mind going through the details of the case.

Bella placed her fork on her plate thoughtfully.

"Hmm." She hummed. "What happened to her?" She asked trying to tip-toe around her words carefully. She knew her father was not likely to actually tell her. She was trying to ask him while he was distracted.

"Ah, good try kiddo." He chuckled. "You know I can't disclose any information."

"You can at least tell me how she was killed. How would that compromise anything? I won't tell a _soul. _Promise." She held up her hand in a boy scout salute and smiled. She knew he wanted to say something, but felt held back by his oath as a police officer. But she was only his daughter. He could trust her.

"Hmm. Well," he spoke between chews. "We don't know much. They found her last night, dead. One wound in her inner thigh. I assumed it was a rape homicide, but the medical examiner called this morning, the rape kit was clean and she didn't much blood in her body. He's running all kinds of tests. To see if she had some kind of degenerative blood disorder. Just to cover all of our bases." He spoke while finishing up his food. "But, I'm pretty sure this is some type of blood-letting/cult type shit— oof. Pardon my language sweetie. I've already said more than I should anyway. And I must be out the door now." He looked down at his watch.

He'd received that watch when he became chief of police during the ceremony, Bella remembered. _Not on my watch,_ was engraved on the back.

"Okay, be safe." Bella warned, only half paying attention to her father leaving for work. He leaned down and kissed the top of her head.

"Always, sweetie." He smiled. "Have a good day. And no forest explorations today, please." He finished sternly. "Who knows what freaks are running around out there..." He continued before shutting the door behind him and leaving for work.

She was panicking in the back of her mind, her heart jumping up down, wishing to be released from the prison that was her body. _God_, she thought. She knew it was blood-letting, but not the kind that her father had thought. This was a vampire, Bella was one-hundred percent sure. She couldn't believe that this was happening. She had to find Jasper and ask him about this.

…...

As Bella drove towards Seattle to get to Peter and Charlotte's house, she looked down towards her gas gauge. In her panic to get to Jasper, she'd forgotten to get gas. As she passed the city limits, she knew if she didn't stop now she wouldn't be able to make the last few miles to their property.

She stopped at a some gas station or other and hopped out her truck. She looked up towards the sky. _So much for my sunny day,_ she frowned. She threw her sun glasses into the cab of her car and ran over to the station to pay for fuel. She entered as she was looking through her wallet causing her to bump into someone.

"Guh!" The man exclaimed. Bella looked up alarmed, only to meet the face of her philosophy teacher, Chase Tournell.

"We've got to stop meeting like this." He laughed.

"What are you doing here?" Her word vomit knew no bounds. She was confounded. Last time she'd run into him at had been at the local market in Forks. Why was he in Seattle, at the same gas station as her?

"Uh— I'm visiting friends. What are you doing here?" He countered, stuttering at first and then recovering.

Before she could answer with one lie or another, the bell of the gas station door rang.

"Bella, come on, we've gotta' go, _babe_." She heard Peter behind her. What the fuck was going on? She spun around quickly, giving him the most confused face she'd made up to date. Was this supposed to be a joke?

"Oh—." Peter cleared his voice, embarrassed. "Chase." He said acknowledging his co-worker.

"Peter?" He was just as confused as Bella.

"Uh— Bella, why don't you let me pay for this one and you go wait in the car?" He suggested. She didn't really think she had a choice, so she left, but her brain was telling her to stay, because she really wanted to know what the hell was happening. She knew Peter must have done that on purpose. He'd called her babe...

…...

"Peter, I didn't know you knew Bella Swan." He was frowning as he said this, and Peter laughed internally. He knew he'd have to act the opposite of cocky to pull this off, so he pulled his best acting skills together and offered Chase what he'd thought he'd want to hear.

"Uh—, yes." He coughed uncomfortably. "If you'd— not mention this to anyone. It be much appreciated." Peter looked down at his shoes, trying to seem as uncomfortable as possible.

"Is she your student, Peter?" Chase seethed. _Hypocrite_, Peter retorted in his mind.

"Yes." He answered bashful.

"What would your wife think of this?" He asked, trying to trip up Peter.

"Oh—, Char knows." Peter nodded. Now he was having fun.

"Your wife knows you're cheating on her?"

Peter only smiled.

"Not that it's any of your business, but she's all for it. If you catch my meaning." He smirked. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have to pay for gas. Let me by." He said, making it seem like he was trying to pass by him, but the philosophy teacher stopped him. As if he could, but Peter stopped, his eyes turning black as he looked at his colleague.

"Yes?" He hissed, showing his teeth. Chase backed up marginally, surprised by the fear induced stare Peter was giving him. _Had his eye color just changed?_ He looked at him closer, Peter's eyes slowly turning a dark maroon. Chase's breath and heartbeat sped up dramatically. Peter took stock in his arteries all pumping double time. It was as if they were trying to get out of his body.

"Again, I'd like to reiterate. Don't breath a word of this to anyone. You wouldn't want Bella in trouble." Peter warned.

Chase left quickly, forgetting whatever threat he was going to throw at the history teacher. Peter himself, laughed as he saw Chase run to his car, his wife sitting in the passenger seat, bewildered by her husbands hurried appearance. Peter payed for gas and went out to the car. He started pumping her gas, he wanted to be nonchalant but Bella rushed out of the car and took her place, her hands on her hips looking up at him with fierce eyes.

"The fuck was that about!" She hissed.

"I knew you were coming. So I met you part way?" He answered, not scared of little Bella Swan at all.

"You know you could have pretended that you were my fucking cousin or something." She offered, still angry.

He took the gas pump out of the car and hung it up while simultaneously closing her gas cab.

"Are you interested in him?" He asked nonplussed.

Bella took a step back and lowered her hands from her hip.

"No." Even in her own ears she sounded like a teenager denying she'd done something against the rules.

"Well, he wants you. Why lead him on?"

"I wasn't leading him on, Peter. Come on!" She retorted angry again. "I've talked to the man privately maybe two or three times. Nothing was going to happen."

"Yeah whatever— '_Oh, I'm pretty sure that everything in this class is hard to grasp—._'" He mimicked her snobbishly.

"Seriously, that was not on purpose!" She pleaded.

"_Goodbye, Chase_." He mimicked again. Although it didn't sound like her so much of an offensive over exaggerated pseudo-gay imitation. He even fluttered his eyes and batted his hand.

"Come on," he offered seriously now. "Look, he'd have you in bed tonight if it were his choice. And then you'll be that girl that fucked her teacher. I'm really saving your life. You would have been caught, and then you'd be a home wrecker too."

"Oh—, _so_ you made him think I was fucking another teacher. Great contingency plan! _Idiot_." She reached up and flicked his forehead. She only hurt the tips of her fingers and he laughed at her merrily.

"And by the way, _Peter_. I can say no to someone. It's not like I'm some damsel in distress. I can say no."

"Whatever. He's wrong for you anyway. Dude's a moron."

"I don't know." Bella laughed as she got into the passenger seat of the car again. Peter ran around to the driver's seat and hopped in. "He seems smart to me."

"No way am I having this conversation again." He quipped. Bella wasn't sure what he was talking about, but let it drop.

"Hey!" She turned to him her arms folded. "How'd you know I was coming anyway?" She posed suspiciously.

"I know things." He offered as he turned out of the gas station to go towards his house.

"So you're a psychic. Like Alice." She seemed proud of herself.

"_No_. Not like Alice. And I prefer the term clairvoyant, fuck-you very much." He snapped.

"Then how do you know? You don't have visions?"

"No. I just know. Instantaneous knowledge."

"So then you'll know why I've come to see Jasper?" She asked.

"It's not an exact science, Bella." He said, almost crestfallen.

"No, it never is, is it?" She laughed. "You know Jasper could have just come and got me."

"There's no fun in it for me then. I don't very much like Chase Tournell anyway. I wanted to see his face when I told him you were sleeping with me and Charlotte." He smirked.

"You told him _what?" _She screamed.

"Calm down. It's not the eighteen sixties anymore, Bella. Stuff like that is acceptable these days." He kept laughing.

"Oh— my God." She balked.

"Hahahaha." Peter laughed emphatically.

…...

"Look who I found on the side of the road!" Peter yelled unnecessarily as they came through the front door of his house.

Both Jasper and Charlotte appeared in front of them immediately.

"Your husband is up to no good constantly." Bella remarked as she took her coat off.

"Let me get that for you." Jasper said quickly, taking her jacket from her hands and hanging it up.

"As always. What has he done this time?" Char asked.

"Oh you know—, told my philosophy teacher that we are all swingers together. No biggie." Bella said nonchalantly.

"Oh, exactly. No biggie." Char responded, grabbing Peter by his ear and dragging him at vampire speed out of the foyer.

"Ah-yaaa. Let me go woman!" He squealed. Bella laughed heartily at the scene.

Jasper was in front of her suddenly.

"Bella...What are you doing here?" He shot out.

"Not that you're not welcome. You're always welcome." He smiled.

She reached up and gave Jasper a half hug suddenly, letting him go just as quickly.

"We need to talk. There was a vampire in Forks. I'm almost positive." She whispered.

Peter and Charlotte were in front of her with Jasper quickly.

"What?" They all said in unison.

She looked at all three of them. They were standing, not quite crouching, but definitely in defensive positions.

"Uh—, yeah. Cops found a girl on the outskirts of Forks. She had a wound in her inner thigh, all of her blood was gone. Charlie said that they were checking her for blood disorders to cover all bases, but obviously, the first thing that came to my mind was vampires. Should I have not said anything?" She asked finally.

They all marginally straightened themselves out, seemingly relaxing themselves slightly. Peter was rubbing his hands together excitedly.

"So what are you gonna' do?" Bella asked.

"We can't do anything Bella." Jasper said quiet, disappointed.

"What do you mean! It killed a fifteen year old girl!" She yelled out, surprised.

"Peter and Charlotte hunt humans too." Jasper countered.

Bella turned to them, she knew this, but she couldn't help but feel a bit disappointed. She looked at them expectantly.

"But—, you don't hunt fifteen year old girls, do you?"

"No. We don't." Char agreed. "But unless this vampire is threatening you or is senselessly killing everyone in it's path, we can't tell them who they can hunt." She said, placing her hand on Bella's shoulder in comfort.

"That's ridiculous. They can't hunt in Forks!" She said childishly.

"No..." Jasper agreed. "They really can't." He was smiling now.

"What?" Bella asked. "What are you talking about?"

"Aw come on Major. Let me deal with it. Don't call those stupid dogs!" Peter begged. It seemed as if he was a child asking his dad if he could do something he knew very well he wasn't allowed to.

"Peter. Seriously? The wolves will take care of it. If they came across you, you know they'd kill you. You've got red eyes. I'll call their pack leader. I'd rather be their ally anyway. Especially if I intend to stick around." He said with the gait of a leader.

"Fine." He acquiesced.

"Wolves? Pack leader?" Bella felt so out of the loop it wasn't even funny. She felt like she pulling at her mother's skirt. Trying to get her attention but failing.

"Yes. The Quileutes. The shape-shifters."

"The shape-what?" Bella expressed comically. "Are you talking about La Push?"

"Shape-shifters exist? What the hell else exists? And why have I never asked myself this question before?" She started only talking to herself as Peter laughed at her in the background.

"Seriously," she continued. "Why did I never ask about that? God..."

"Real werewolves...witches, fairies, etc." Peter listed off, counting his fingers.

"Shut up, Peter." Jasper whipped. "Bella, I'll call Sam Uley in a little while." He turned to her then and put his hands on her face. "You and your father will remain safe. I promise."

…...

A/N: Thanks for all the reviews, alerts, and favorites. Check out the play list on my profile and leave a review on your way out. I will get the next chapter out soon =]


	15. Chapter 15

All copyrights and materials that regards to Twilight or any of the subsequent novels belong to SM. No copyright infringement intended.

…...

"Peter?" Jasper called out from the back yard. He'd just hung up with Sam Uley. His pack had combed the forest near where Chief Swan had found the young girl who'd been potentially attacked by a vampire.

"Jasper?" He ran towards him. "What's the word?" He asked. He'd been waiting to hear this news all day. Jasper had taken the time to analyze over Peter's excitement last night about finding and killing a vampire. He was sure in his heart, after being in the war the way they were, that killing was somewhat of a secret pastime that Peter knew he wasn't allowed to enjoy anymore. That's not to say he didn't sate is vampiric lust when he fed. But really, killing a vampire wasn't the same as killing a human. It spoke volumes as to the effect the war had had on them all. It's not that Peter or Charlotte, or even Jasper were evil. Killing held a different meaning to them, than it did to humans. It was sport. A sport that all three of them denied themselves, sans feeding time. It was a rough way at looking at things that were actually very serious. But, Jasper knew. He knew Peter wanted to kill a vampire. Even Emmett, he thought, would love to chase down a potential threat and snuff it out. Being victorious in these matters was extremely gratifying. But things were complicated, and Jasper did not have the news Peter was dying to hear.

"No sign of a vampire anywhere according to the wolves. After I found out where the cops found that girl, I told them the coordinates and they took a sniff around. Two humans. Interestingly though, the body had been moved post mortem, according to Sam. He thinks it was a murder. He did pick up the scent of both humans. They are keeping a look out to see if the second human comes back." Jasper spoke methodically, as if he were briefing his soldier. At one time, Peter had been his soldier, and in moments like this, it was easy to slip back onto the battle field. Peter took it seriously.

"What do you mean the body was moved post mortem?" Peter asked. Disappointment was laced through his features, but Jasper could feel a new excitement building in his gut. If Peter had a heart, it would be racing.

"Well, Sam said when they found the body's drop space, he followed the two scents he found. One scent smelled of a— decomposing body, for lack of a better term. He followed the human and it's kills scent for two miles down the state highway and then it disappeared. He said he thinks the human moved the body by car."

"That's fucked up." Peter exclaimed.

Jasper laughed at him, because unlike Peter, Jasper could see the irony in any human eating vampire finding killing 'fucked up'. He'd seen vampires do stranger things with their food.

"So the guy—, I'm assuming this is a guy by the way, not really a girly kill, do ya think? Anyway, the guy, he totally murked this girl by draining her blood?" He asked. "I wonder where the blood went." He surmised halfheartedly. He chuckled.

"Seriously, I mean we drink blood, at least we have an excuse. This guys just a weirdo." Peter finished finally, shaking his head back and forth.

"So are we gonna' go down their and check it out?" He asked excitedly.

"No. Peter, I'm going to check it out. I already told Sam I was staying with red-eyes. They _sincerely _do not approve."

"Aw, come on Jazz. Seriously, it's been years since I've really hunted someone. Let me in on this one."

Jasper shook his head. "Peter, the wolves won't hesitate to kill you if they see you. They won't care what you're there for if you've got red eyes." Jasper scolded.

"Well I guess that says a lot about how you'd think I do up against one of those mangy mutts." Peter retorted, folding his arms in disappointment.

"Five or six of them against one of us. Seriously, Peter? Look I'll figure out someway to get those scents back here for you to smell if that makes you feel better. Yeah?" He felt like he was talking to a child, trying to help them understand they couldn't go, and then when they threw a fit about it, pretending like he was going to do something to make up for it.

"Yeah, yeah fine." He tossed his hands in the air in defeat.

"Look, I've gotta' go to Forks to talk to Bella anyway. She'll want to be updated, maybe I'll stop and grab some of the land and put it in a bag or something on my way back, that way you can sniff around." He tried to qualify.

"Bella, ay?" Peter raised his eyebrows multiple times, while also completely ignoring any other part of Jasper's statement.

"How's that going anyway, she your _lova_ yet?" He asked, his inflection as silly as his mood.

Jasper ignored him.

"Lo hizo chupar la polla todavía? Hmmm?" He posed boldly, his eyebrows still ridiculously going up and down, his lips smirking.

"Shut the fuck up, Peter." Was all Jasper said. "By the way dick-breath, aren't you her teacher? Isn't a little inappropriate to be asking questions like that?" Jasper asked quickly, his eyes lowering to a suspicious squint.

"Ah—, I have a loose social policy in my class." He smiled in response.

"Whatever, I'm heading down to Forks now. I'll be back in a few hours."

…...

As Jasper ran through the forest, he decided to take a detour towards where the girls body was found and dammit if Sam Uley's nose wasn't right on the mark. A body had definitely not been killed here, but moved here. Maybe it was because their sense of smell was different, but Jasper could tell immediately that it was a male that had moved the girl here. It was lucky, Jasper thought, that he'd called the wolves to check and then came himself now, before the rain and thunder washed away the scents of the human who'd been here. Besides the scent of the male, that he'd now keep in mind, he had nothing to really go on. He'd come back after he saw Bella.

…...

Bella heard a light taping on her bedroom window. She was startled, and for a moment terrified. She hadn't had someone try to get through that window since before Edward had left. But, she didn't want to think of those things anymore. She hesitantly made her way over, the glare from her lamp preventing her from being able to see even inches outside her window. All she could see as she moved closer was her own reflection. She opened it slowly. Jasper hung there in a cockamamie position. His hands and feet were both perched on the sill, but his body was hanging backwards. He had a funny smile on his face.

"May I come in?" He asked.

"Uh, yes, of course." She acquiesced. "Have any news, she said backing up and walking towards her dresser. She opened it as Jasper entered the room in a soundless thump, pulling out a pack of cigarettes. She hadn't quite gotten over her new vice. She'd like to say she was a social smoker...but that wasn't exactly the case.

"I wish you wouldn't do that." Jasper remarked.

"I wish a lot of people wouldn't do a lot of things." She remarked, walking over to the rocking chair that was stationed next to her window and sitting down. She lit her cigarette as she asked her next question, "Can you lock the door?"

Jasper zoomed over and back again, the only noise he made was the click of her door's locking system jamming it's self into place.

"Thanks." She said as she took her first drag.

"Those can kill you." She sing-songed.

She only gave him a meaningful look and he shut up.

"Okay, so it wasn't a vampire that killed that girl." He said finally, taking a languorous seat on her bed. He stretched his body as if he needed to. Bella's eyes widened as she looked at him. He felt almost no lust off of her, it must have been the information he'd just said that was effecting her.

"Really?" She asked, flummoxed. "That's almost worse." She whispered to herself.

"Yeah, well..." Jasper sighed. "The wolves are going to keep an eye out, but the guy that did it moved her in a car, his scent stops not even two miles from where he dropped her body.

"Are you telling me this guy drained her blood— and, and—?" She didn't even know what to ask.

"That's fucking creepy." She whispered again, taking the last drag of her cigarette she'd have. She tossed it out the window and moved to sit on her bed with Jasper. He was still laying back.

"You know... Human murderers don't even scare me." She said flatly.

"No I suppose they seem threat-less with me around, huh?" He joked.

She rolled her eyes, laying back next to Jasper. "Yes, I suppose. But that's not what I meant." She explained. "It's just I've been chased by vampires. What humans do is creepier, but compared to someone like James, I just don't feel very threatened. I feel like I could get away from a human murderer. Definitely not a vampire who wants to kill me."

Jasper turned his head towards her. He was so much closer to her than he'd expected.

"You've survived a lot, Bella." He remarked.

"I've been saved a lot, is what I think you mean." She countered, smiling gratefully.

He smiled gently at her comment. It was true, she had been saved a lot. But only because she was worth saving. Bella turned her head and looked at Jasper. Really looked at him. He was staring at her, so close. Maybe because she knew they were there already, and because of their close proximity, she could see his scars clearly. She thought they made him beautiful. She sent out a wave of admiration to him and a small smile curled on his face. His eyes were looking right through her. She leaned onto her side, her body now facing Jasper Whitlock and she reached her hand out to touch his neck. There was one very visible scar there, she traced it with her index fingers.

"Most humans don't notice them." He said softly.

"They don't take the time." She said distracted, inching closer to him on her bed.

"Why do you like them?" He asked, taking his own hand and touching the arm that was reaching outwards. He touched her softly, his fingers barely hovering over the skin of her wrist. Her heart was jumping. _Green, green, green._ His heart sang.

She took a deep breath. "They are a story, that sent you to me. You're sitting here now because of them. They are a part of you, if I didn't like them, I wouldn't like you." She explained.

He trailed his fingers from her wrist up her arm until he met her collar bone and then eventually the scar on her neck. He massaged it gently, pushing her mahogany hair away from the area. He pulled himself an inch closer.

"I'm so sorry I wasn't there sooner." Jasper admitted softly. "I tried to take away the pain."

He could feel her pulse speeding up marginally as his thumb swept across the scar tissue. _Green, green, green_, his finger tips whispered. A wide, but bashful smile spread across her face as she ducked it down. He pulled her face up gently, moving closer still. He could feel it now, the warmth of her feelings surfacing, when she looked at Jasper she felt soothed, but also excited. Her body was tingling, on edge as Jasper drew closer. Was it him or her? He thought as his face came closer to her. He pulled her closer, but not for a kiss, he tucked his nose and mouth into her neck, breathing in her pulse. Her jugular pumped against his cheek. He gasped.

"Jasper—." She sighed. Her blood was pumping harder now, adrenaline releasing into her veins.

"Are you scared?" His voice rushed out, breathy as he took his hand and pulled her to him. He opened his mouth onto her neck, licking her scar. She moaned, her voice cracking half-way through.

She took a moment to respond, her mind catching up with his words. She was suddenly very turned on, her body pressing against his.

"No." She finally released in a gasp pushing against him.

"Last time—." He began, one of his hands reaching for her ass to pull her even closer as he pushed his erection against her. She gasped again, moaning his name. "All I wanted was to fuck you. But I couldn't..." He whispered. He pulled her on top of him, letting her take control. She only grinded harder against his hard on.

"I'm a big girl now, Jasper." She smiled, her eyes closed as she moved over him. He sat up, with her sitting on him and wrapped his arms around her.

"I can't help it—, how much I want you." He sent out adoration and lust. His voice was soft in his confession, but his hands were hard on her waist, pushing her down onto himself. His lust was getting the better of him, and the more he tried to rein it in, the more Bella sent his way. She placed her hand at the base of his neck, her thin fingers messing the back of his pony tail as she rode him. His hands slid up her shirt, pulling it of off her in one swift move. It was too fast for her eyes to notice. When she saw her exposed breasts her eyes widened, but she only smiled. She moved back, her arms going behind her to lean on his thighs as she rode him harder.

"As hard as you can." Jasper whispered, as his hands went across her abdomen. Her breasts were in front of him, moving up and down, and they were perfect. But he wouldn't touch them yet, his fingers would only trace the small space right below them. Her flesh was so hot, like a furnace on top of him. "Esto es una locura."

She moaned loudly. "Take off your shirt, take it off." She pleaded. She took her hands and placed them at his waist, trying to take his tee-shirt off in the same swift manner that Jasper had taken off hers. He leaned back and pulled it off for her, and when she looked down, she could see all of his scars clearly. There were so many but they were spread far apart, in different places. Places she wanted to kiss and lick. His body was so beautiful, she thought to herself. How could she have ever seen him for something he wasn't? She leaned down into his chest, kissing him gently, here and there. Jasper's hips bucked up into hers roughly, his hands roaming her waist and ass, her thighs, and everywhere he could get his fingers on. Finally, he pushed her up, her still riding him, and started to pull at her pajama pants. He pulled the band the was snug around her waist towards him, but it was difficult because she was on top of him, and he couldn't get her pants off this way. Instead, he pulled them down as far as he could, relieving everything from the top of her waist to the top of her thighs. He sit up, one hand behind her to support her weight as the other hand dove into her core. Her chest against his, she moaned as his hand roughly massaged her pussy.

"Fuck..." She exclaimed, riding his hand now. He moaned in response as he lapped at her neck. He turned her over, him on top and roughly removed her pants.

"Guh!" She expressed, surprised. "Yes..." She hissed. He chuckled moving down her body, projecting his emotions towards. He was solid in his resolve that she was just as into this as he was. Perhaps, the motives were different, but he loved this girl, and he knew that in time, she would love him too.

He kissed her breasts, sucking on her nipples, letting them pebble beneath his cold tongue as he massaged her naked hips. She released a few more _fuck, fuck, fucks,_ as he moved further down to her underwear clad core. He could smell her arousal.

"You're wet, baby." He whispered against her naval.

"Mmmm." Was her only response as her back arched, her breasts pointing upwards. For a short second he imagined the southwest of the United States, and the laccolithic design of the sandstone, her breasts paralleled these thoughts. Protruding from her abdomen like the igneous rock bulging through the underlying strata. It was beautiful, Jasper thought, that her body mirrored her past, and his as well. So many layers... But his thoughts were fleeting, as was his attention to her breasts, he had more ground to cover...

He pulled at the center of the top of her panties, pulling them down to reveal the top of her pussy. He kissed it gently, appreciating the wax job. His hand reached down to rub himself as he explored her. He growled in approval as he pulled of her underwear completely.

"Let me eat you out." He demanded, looking at her swollen lips. Bella was looking down at him, leaning on her elbows carefully.

"What if I said no?" She teased, her voice lusty as ever.

His hands splayed across her inner thighs, he pushed them apart, spreading her open.

"I'd beg you." He hissed. He'd meant it to sound genuine, but he was sure it did not come out like that.

He felt her approval in three forms, one through emotions, two through her heartbeat, and the third, through the gushing aroma of her arousal as he spoke to her. He dug in, licking and biting softly, but his hands were rough; pinching her thighs and ass. Moving from on place on her body to the next, he purred as he sucked on her clitoris making her jump and yelp.

"Fuck, Jasper!" She squealed, her nipples becoming hard.

"Come on me." He demanded, swatting her pussy before diving back in for another taste.

"Jesus Christ." She whimpered, defeated as she let herself come, grateful to Jasper in that moment. As her come coated his lips and mouth, his own completion was reached. Coming in his pants wasn't something Jasper did— ever before this moment, but he was just as grateful as Bella was for the orgasm.

She sat up, pushing her hands into her pussy, shy suddenly.

"That was great, Jasper." She commented. "I've never felt like that before."

He was quickly on the bed, "Don't cover yourself, Bella. You're body is wonderful." He complimented. He really didn't want her to cover her body, he wanted to look at it still. He had a vampire stamina that could go all night, he was still hard even after coming, and he want to look at her pussy. He hadn't invaded it once with anything more than his tongue. Oh the things, he wanted to do.

"You're a little more dressed then I am." She remarked, taking her hands away, and crawling over the bed and reaching out towards her cigarette pack. She took out a cigarette and lit it. Even in her cocky nonchalant gestures, naked smoking while sitting Indian style on her mattress, Jasper could feel her self doubt. Which was surprising to Jasper, after what had just taken place.

He leaned into her, picking her up and laying her body on his lap as she continued to smoke her cigarette.

"I love you're stomach." He whispered into her hair, splaying his hands across her tummy as he spoke. "And your breasts, are truly a sight to behold." He said softly, his hands moving up to touch her breasts. " — Your thighs..." His southern accent was palpable, dangling in the air just as tangible as the smoke being released from Bella's lungs every time she took a puff.

She sighed, contented. "You're very beautiful, Jasper." She said.

"Thank you darlin'." He chuckled. She leaned forward, her ass in his lap still, naked as the day she was born. Then she leaned forward more, onto her hands and knees in front of him, so she could reach over and toss her cigarette out the window. He didn't know what drove him to it, but her feet were crossed one over the other as she leaned on her hands and knees, so he took her ankles in one hand and spanked her ass with the other. Her head turned quicker then she'd ever turned her head before, her eyebrows furrowed.

"What was that for?" She whipped, Trying to move her legs but failing to within Jasper's tight grasp. He loosened his grasp minimally.

"I don't know," he smiled wickedly. _You kind of deserve it,_he thought. _For all the trouble you've put me through._

"Well, I liked it." She smirked. Jasper licked his lips, sitting up while not releasing Bella's ankles. He leaned over and whispered into Bella's ear, as she started to pant and her heart started to race again.

"We will have to explore this..." He hissed, and he smacked one of her breasts. "Another time." And he sat up, releasing her. She sat up quickly, hands on her hips, breasts puffed out in irritation.

"No fair, Jasper." She shot out, childishly.

Jasper gave her a goofy smile, while hoping of her bed.

"I feel like an asshole." He digressed. She gave him an odd look in response.

"I've gotta' get back to Peter, I told him I'd bring a soil sample from around where that girl's body was dumped. He want's to take a sniff." He explained as he retrieved his shirt. Bella didn't even try to get dressed.

"Why doesn't he just come down here?" She asked, curiosity projecting from her.

"Eh, it's complicated. The wolves...and Peter's diet. It wouldn't be good. So here I am, digging up soil for the bastard."

"Right well, be safe...okay?" She said, even though she knew virtually nothing could happen to Jasper out there, sometimes it felt better to say these things.

"Of course." He said. She took a long look at Jasper Whitlock as he approached her. She was amazed with him really. He took her and hugged her deeply, projecting feelings of adoration, appreciation, lust, and a few other things. Bella hugged him back, just as deeply, trying to give him all the feelings that she'd been trying to ignore over the last few weeks. She was happy when she was with Jasper. She had to stop denying it.

"I'll see you soon. So really, you should stay safe!" He reprimanded, letting go of her.

She pursed her lips, trying not to giggle.

"Always." She said. And with that he jumped out her window to go deal with Peter and all the other things.

…...

A/N: Wow. Okay I'm pretty nervous. Too crass, too much? (too random?) I mean, I really enjoy a good lemon, so hopefully I did it well. But warning to all of you reading, when lemons happen in this story they are going to be...really intense, so be warned. Anyway, tell me what you thought by way of a review. I will try and have the next chapter out soon! =]


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